


The Victim Gets His Way

by Scouts_Mockingbird



Series: Heroes of Westerburg [2]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Female Character of Color, F/M, Heroes of Westerburg, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Referenced f/f, Teenaged Angst Bullshit, hamster - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-12-24 23:03:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12022917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scouts_Mockingbird/pseuds/Scouts_Mockingbird
Summary: JD, Veronica, Heather, Heather, and Martha are off to college. They're all looking for a fresh start, away from everything that went down a year ago.  But the dangers and the damage of the past refuse to be left behind. Despite the distance between them, the HoW must come together to solve a mystery and save themselves.This is a sequel to Innocent Guilt and you should really read that first!





	1. Moving Again

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go! This idea has been rattling around in my head since i finished Innocent Guilt. I decided to write from JD's perspective this time just to switch it up. The title is from the song "Drive All Night" by Needtobreathe. Enjoy!

“I thought I was done moving around,” JD muttered as he moved the last (and the heaviest) of his boxes into his new home. The dorm room was cramped and it smelled like fungus, but it was his.

“Relax JD, everyone moves in for college.” Heather McNamara pointed out from his bed, where she was lounging.

“Not people who live at home,” JD countered easily.

Mac stuck out her tongue out at him, “You can’t live at home, Sherwood is an hour away.”

“Still, I hate moving. It’s a hassle.” He hated it for a lot of reasons, mostly having to do with his difficult and very mobile adolescence.

“Oh stop complaining, you only had like four things to move in. I had a million.”

“Yeah, and I’m pretty sure I moved all of them too,” JD snarked back at her.

“Well, you had the most experience with moving, so I trusted you more than me.” She smiled cheerfully at him. He wished he had something to throw at her. Not for the first time, he wished they were in Martha’s bedroom. She had hundreds of pillows and stuffed animals that made wonderful ammunition. But Martha had moved into a similarly cramped room for her first semester at Columbus School of Art and Design. Her, JD, and Heather—who was now going by Mac—had decided to stay in Ohio. Veronica and Heather Duke had both moved out of state.

He was trying not to think of Veronica waving at him through the window of her dorm as he drove away. She had finally picked the University of Chicago after a lot of deliberation. Though she had gotten into Duke and Brown she hadn’t wanted to move so far from her closest friends. After everything that had gone down at Westerburg they had become very codependent—not just him and Veronica, but all five of them depended heavily on the others for emotional support.

Heather Duke had chosen to go all the way to UCLA. Though JD wouldn’t admit it with a gun to his head, he was going to miss his adopted sister. Living with her had been the most annoyingly normal thing he’d ever experienced. It had felt like being a part of a family.

His father had left Ohio in the fall of last year, after all the attention had gotten to him. JD pretended that didn’t bother him, but his friends all saw through it. Something about surviving an explosion made people know the real you. Or maybe it was something about healing after you’d survived the explosion? None of them had made it out without some form of post-traumatic stress, and their meetings had functioned as a sort of group therapy. He was glad at least that he, Martha, and Mac had stayed close. He couldn’t have imagined total separation like Veronica and Heather had chosen.

“How’s your mouse settling in?” Mac asked, eyeing the cage on the desk with some suspicion.

“First of all, he is an emotional support hamster and he has a name. It’s Slushie.” Veronica had given him Slushie before she moved and helped him fill out the paperwork to register him as a therapeutic necessity.

Mac rolled her eyes, “You did not seriously name it Slushie! Veronica said you were going to name him Baudelaire or something pretentious like that.”

“Veronica told me to name him after something that made me happy,” He shrugged. “I thought about naming him Veronica, but she told me not to.”

“You are really pathetic sometimes, you know that, right?”

“You sound like Heather.” She did sound like Heather Duke, whose vitriolic friendship with JD was practically warfare after months of living together.

Slushie, ignorant to the criticism, continued to nose around in his cage. Veronica had told him it would help him to have something to talk at when he was frustrated or restless. She had her diary, but he didn’t have the patience for that.

“Well, at least no one will be afraid of you. It’s impossible to be intimidated by a guy with a hamster named Slushie.” Mac remarked.

“I will always be intimidating!” JD insisted, adjusting the collar of his long dark coat.

Mac rolled her eyes dramatically and changed the subject, “You should really put up some decorations. This place looks like a prison cell.”

“I have some pictures and some of Martha’s artwork. That’s all I was planning to do.” He didn’t know the first thing about decorating. When he and his father had lived in houses they usually came furnished. Otherwise they stayed in hotels. He had never decorated his own room, though Mrs. Duke had offered to let him redo the room he stayed in. He had opted not to as it was already the nicest room he’d ever seen.

Mac surveyed the space, “I guess that’ll have to do for now. Hey, want to grab lunch before the fair? I heard there’s a great sandwich place.”

JD smiled, “I’m always up for food. Let’s go.”

They walked out of the small room and into the hallway. As they were reaching the stairs, a kid walking in the opposite direction tripped and lost hold of the box he was carrying. JD caught it easily, and turned to look at the smaller student. He was gangly, with bad posture and a nervous demeanor.

“Oh, sorry! Um, sorry, that’s mine.” He didn’t really stutter, but he sounded almost frightened.

“”Hey, no problem. I’m JD, this is Heather.”

“I go by Mac,” The blonde corrected quickly. The name change was something she was trying to start for college.

“Oh,” The kid wiped his hand on his shirt then held it out, “I’m Evan. Nice to meet you.”

Heather smiled, cheerful and charming as ever. “Where’s your room? JD will carry your box.” Of course she would manage to rope him into moving even more boxes.

Evan apparently lived right across the hall from him. JD set his box down in the room. It looked exactly like his, with gray walls, a twin bed, a desk, and a very narrow closet.

“So, um, you live in the medical necessity dorm?” Evan asked. JD decided not to point out that obviously he did.

“Yeah, I have post-traumatic stress. My therapist was worried my triggers might bother a roommate so she helped me get a single for medical reasons.” He tried to make it sound nonchalant, like all teenagers had post-traumatic stress disorder but talking about his diagnosis made him uncomfortable. Veronica had told him that was his internalized stigma about mental illness.

To Evan’s credit, he didn’t bat an eye, “Yeah, I have social anxiety. Living with someone else all the time would be really stressful.” JD nodded. He understood that.

Mac was beaming in the background but she finally chipped in, “Evan, do you want to join us for lunch? We’re going to the new student fair afterwards.”

“Oh! Um, that’s nice, but I um, can’t. I still need to move my stuff.”

JD took over before Mac could try to pressure him, “Okay, maybe dinner then. See you later!” He grabbed her and left.

“JD! What are you doing, you might have made a friend!” Heather cried.

“I already have four friends! And anyway, that poor kid was scared out of his mind. I’ll let him have a panic attack in peace and make friends with him later.”

They left the dated stone building and meandered over to the quad. Mac found her sandwich shop and they ordered before they found a table. It was a good place to watch people go by. Some girl with blue hair was walking around handing out fliers to everyone sitting down. He hoped she wouldn’t stop by their quiet corner.

Of course she did, only a few moments later. She slapped a paper down onto the wooden tabletop and declared, “Gay teens are committing suicide, and we need your support to make this a world we can all live in!”

JD looked at the flier. It had some familiar faces on it. “Is that Kurt Kelly and Ram Sweeny?” He asked hesitantly.

“Yes, they killed each other last year as part of a suicide pact because their conservative small town wouldn’t accept them.”

Mac snorted, but JD got to it first, “Okay, except that’s bullshit.” The blue haired girl looked at him with outraged shock. He plowed on, “We went to high school with Kurt and Ram. They were straight. The town was accepting towards gay people. And they didn’t commit suicide.”

The blue haired girl hissed, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, I do,” JD continued, “They were murdered and the killer wrote a note to make it look like a lovers’ suicide pact. But eventually the truth came out. I guess you missed that part though.” This was fairly common. Though many people knew that three students had died and a fourth had tried blown up the school (though no one had been hurt) very few had bothered to learn all the details. As it was, tons of people across America still believed that Kurt and Ram were gay, and Heather Chandler was a kind, depressed girl gone from the world too soon.

The girl snatched her flier and turned away. JD turned to Mac laughing.

She was looking searchingly at him, which was probably a bad thing. “JD, how are you doing? I mean, dealing with everything?” Yep, definitely a bad thing. “You really went after that girl for the flier. It’s not her fault she didn’t know.”

“I’m fine Mac, I just get frustrated with the attention everything has gotten, but for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes it’s like Paul never even existed, Heather, Kurt and Ram killed themselves and the school blew up by accident or something.” He took a deep breath and pushed his fingers through his floppy dark hair, “It just drives me a little bit crazy, you know?”

Heather nodded. As usual, he could count on the HoW to understand his feelings. “We just worry about you. Veronica especially, obviously, but really all of us. We know that you and Veronica got the worst of it, and we don’t want either of you to fall apart.”

“I get that. It’s nice to be worried about, I guess.” He really meant that. Bud was inattentive on the best of days. JD was pretty sure he could have gotten away with murder if he’d ever tried. “I’m not going to fall apart.”

“Unless Veronica breaks up with you.” JD flinched. He didn’t like thinking about it, but he knew that being this far apart would be hard for them. Their habit of climbing into each other’s windows when they were stressed or anxious had not changed over the summer. In many ways, they were each other’s best coping mechanism. Being in different states meant that they would have to learn to get by on their own. JD wasn’t looking forward to that.

“I’ll deal with that if it happens,” Was all he said to Mac. The others all thought they would break up, but JD knew that if their relationship had survived her thinking he was a serial killer, it could survive just about anything.

After lunch they wandered through the new student fair. It was mostly just clubs advertising for new members, so JD wasn’t into it. Mac was, of course. She had decided not to continue with cheerleading but she wanted to join some kind of dance troupe. Exercise was Mac’s favorite way to alleviate stress so her activities were very important to her. Last time JD had asked, she’d had four different fitness classes she did each week, plus a daily jog.

JD preferred his therapeutic hamster.

To avoid making eye contact with the people at the various booths he texted the HoW group chat.

_JD: Mac is trying to join every activity available, should I stop her_

_HD: You should try to stop her from calling herself ‘Mac’. What’s wrong with being a Heather?!_

_VS: Hi JD! How’s moving in?_

_MD: If you two are going to flirt, just text each other, not the group_

_HD: ^^^^_

Veronica sent the eye roll emoji, but JD ignored Heather and Martha. They’d been told to stop flirting so many times the words had lost all meaning.

_JD: It’s going well. My room is tiny but it has a big window._

_MD: Are you making friends?_

_VS: Martha, he’s eighteen years old, he can make friends without our help_

_HD: Um, no._

_JD: Sorry Veronica, but I think Heather is probably right, and Martha, I met the guy who lives in the single across from me, he seems nice_

_MD: That’s great! You need more guy friends_

Mac had apparently checked her phone, finally, and she chipped in.

_HM: This morning he said to me that having four friends was enough_

_JD: You guys are a lot to keep track of_

_VS: Did I just get friendzoned????_

_JD: Never babe xo_

_HD: You two are disgusting._

His phone went quiet for a while. He saw Mac chatting with another tall blonde at yet another activity booth. His neck prickled, and he had the odd sensation of being watched. He took a few deep breaths. The feeling went away. Crowds were sometimes a problem for him, so he assumed it was just his anxiety acting up and shrugged it off. His phone buzzed again, this time a message from Veronica to him instead of the group chat.

_VS: I miss you_

_JD: I miss you too. Talk tonight?_

_VS: Can’t I have an extra credit lecture :(_

_JD: Okay, soon though_

_VS: I promise_

He told Mac he was leaving and headed back to his dorm. He wasn’t interested in being social anymore.


	2. Little Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These first two chapters have a lot of establishing stuff in them but I promise a lot of it will become important later when the story picks up. Enjoy!

JD’s room was still depressingly plain and packed up when he got back to it. Mac had been kind enough to make his bed for him, but all of his clothes were still in their boxes. He looked over the black bedspread the Dukes had gotten for him. He had asked if it was alright to keep the one in the room they’d let him use, but they insisted on getting him a new one, “So that he’d have one when he came to visit.”

He wondered if they knew how much that meant to him. He had never once gone back to a place after he’d moved away from it. Now, he had an open invitation to return to the Dukes’ house whenever he wanted. All of their lives had changed senior year, but none quite as much as his.

JD poked his head out of his room and saw that Evan’s door was open. He had told Mac that he would try to make friends, and Evan did seem nice, if extremely awkward. JD knocked on the door before he stepped in.

Evan had transformed the plain space. The beige-gray walls had been plastered in posters with pictures of forests. With nearly every inch of wall covered, it made the room feel like a small clearing. The effect was amazing.

“Woah, this is really cool,” JD admired.

Evan beamed, no longer awkward, “Thanks! I really like trees.”

“Yeah, I can tell. I have some pictures, do you think you could help me with my room?” He didn’t have nearly enough to do the same thing with his pictures, but Evan could at least tell him where they should go.

“Okay, yeah. I can do that.” Evan swallowed hard enough for it to be visible and stood up.

After seeing what Evan had done with his room, JD was embarrassed by his own. He handed Evan the stacks of pictures he’d brought. Some were taken and edited by Veronica, while others were paintings by Martha. Those, at least, he could be proud of. His girlfriend and friends were talented.

Evan was immediately distracted by Slushie. “This is so cool, I thought we weren’t allowed to have pets,” He enthused.

JD smiled and opened the cage, retrieving the tiny furball, “His name is slushie, do you want to hold him?” Evan cautiously reached out his hands and JD placed his pet into them.

Slushie gave him a curious sniff, then curled up and fell asleep. “He’s an emotional support animal. Mostly I just wanted to keep him because my girlfriend gave him to me, but my therapist was on board so she wrote to the school.” Dr. Cruz had been amused but supportive when JD had made the unusual request.

“That’s cool. Who are your pictures of?” He asked, looking at the one on top. It was JD’s favorite. Martha had based it off a photo of the five of them taken at a pizza parlor in Sherwood where they were all raising glasses for a toast. She had used it as a base but had them all dressed as medieval knights raising golden chalices. They looked like the heroes of a story, finally victorious.

“Those are my friends, and the girl with the brown hair,” He pointed out Veronica, “is my girlfriend. She lives in Chicago. Martha,” He gestured to her in the painting, “drew this.”

“She’s really good,” Evan said.

JD agreed wholeheartedly. “She did all of the paintings that I brought. Veronica took most of the pictures. Heather—you met her today, she also goes by Mac—is a really good cook, and Heather—there are two of them, you get used to it—does a lot of web design and coding.”

“It must be nice to have so many friends,” Evan said wistfully.

JD felt sorry for him. He’d known the kid for only a handful of hours but he could already tell how lonely he was. “You’ll get to meet them when they come to visit. They’re all really nice.”

Evan beamed. “Okay, so this picture,” he held up the knights picture, “should go somewhere where you can see it right when you come in. The smaller pictures we can do as a collage right here,” he gestured to the wall next to JD’s bed.

They set to work. After an hour or so, JD’s room looked pretty livable.

“Thanks, man. This place looks way better than it did. I really appreciate your help.”

Evan was back to being awkward, “um, you’re welcome.” He paused for a moment before blurting, “You don’t have to hang out with me!”

JD was confused, “I know that? I just don’t have a lot of friends here so I guess I thought it would be cool if we got to know each other,” he suggested, hoping Evan wouldn’t take it the wrong way.

The smaller guy nodded, “Okay, thanks.” Then he left.

JD shrugged and went to the bookshelf he’d improvised in his windowsill. He reorganized the books, but didn’t select one to read. He felt too restless for reading. He sat at his computer and tried to get some work done. He had interned with Mr. Duke’s pharmaceuticals company over the summer, and they had offered to let him do some off-site tech work to keep the salary. So far the work looked easy, and JD suspected it was just a way for Mr. Duke to give him an allowance without making him feel uncomfortable.

The work at least was enough to keep him occupied for a few hours. He thought about texting Mac to see if she wanted to hang out but decided to let her do her own thing. She had opted to live in a double with someone she met online and JD hadn’t liked her when they’d met earlier. Jenna was just like many of the girls JD had met at his various high schools—spoiled and dismissive of people she thought she was better than. JD hoped she and Mac got along, but he didn’t really want them to become friends. She was a good person, but easily ordered around by stronger personalities—as she had been with Heather Chandler. It would be bad for her to go back to trying to be ‘in with the popular crowd’. Thankfully, he didn’t think that one single popular crowd could exist at a school this large. Mac would be okay, he had to trust her judgment.

His phone buzzed, the number surprised him. His dad was texting him for the first time in weeks.

_BD: Just wondering where you were living now that you’re out of school. Let me know if you want me to come get you._

JD didn’t know how to respond. He hadn’t realized that his dad didn’t know that he was going to college now. He was also surprised that his dad would be willing to take him in again after they had parted on such uneasy terms last year.

_JD: Just moved into my dorm today. I’m at Ohio State taking computer science classes_

_BD: How are you paying for that?_

_JD: Scholarships mostly. I’ll have to work to pay the rest, but I have some saved from the summer._

He didn’t really want to talk about his financial situation with his father. Bud would not approve of how much he had allowed the Dukes to give him. Bud Dean was the type to be offended by other peoples’ kindness.

_BD: I can pay for it. I didn’t realize you wanted to go to college._

_JD: You don’t have to, I can handle it._

_BD: That’s good, but I’d like to pay for it anyway. Just let me know when and how much._

It was a huge weight lifted off JD’s shoulders. His salary from Mr. Duke was really good for what he was doing, but it wouldn’t cover cost of living and what remained of tuition. He thanked his father, but didn’t receive a reply. JD didn’t even know what state the man was in.

He gave Slushie a wry look, “My life is really strange.” Thankfully, the hamster didn’t respond.

 

The first week of classes was surprisingly easy. His courses were all introductory level computer science and one philosophy class he was taking for fun. He never ran into Mac on campus because all of her food and health science classes were in a different building.

When Thursday finally arrived he was relieved. They had determined that on Thursdays they would have a group video call. He had chatted with Veronica the night before, but not for very long. She looked tired and stressed and he hadn’t wanted to add to her burden.

At five, he rode his bike to Mac’s dorm to pick her up. They had decided to meet at Martha’s and all call from the same computer so they didn’t have to juggle a five person video chat.

When he pulled up in front of the ugly square building, Mac eyed the bike warily. “You know, we could just take my car. I don’t mind driving.”

JD laughed and handed her the spare helmet, “Come on, Mac don’t be chicken.” He goaded her. She glared but climbed on behind him.

They drove into the city and parked behind Martha’s dingy apartment building. Martha lived with three other art students, so her décor was very eclectic. But it suited her personality. She greeted them both with an enthusiastic hug.

“I’ve missed you! How are you? How was your first week?” JD smiled. After a week of everything being new, it was nice to be somewhere familiar.

JD set up a video chatroom, connecting to Heather first so that she could check it for bugs. Once they were sure the connection was stable, he called Veronica.

She looked worse than she had yesterday. The dark circles were heavier and her eyes were glassy. He looked at her with increasing concern but he was met with a bright smile.

“Hi! How is everyone?” Veronica’s normally rich voice was too high. Something was definitely wrong. She’d been only been in Chicago for a couple weeks, how could something already be wrong?

Martha answered for the three of them, “We’re doing well. How are you Ronnie? You look a little… tired.” Martha glanced at the others for backup.

Heather Duke chipped in before JD had the chance, “Yeah, not to be mean but you kinda look like hell.”

Veronica rolled her eyes, “It was mean, Heather. I’m fine, I’ve just had a lot of work, that’s all.” She shifted her eyes, looking at something above her screen. JD didn’t believe her. She looked too nervous. “Who has news? I’m dying for something good.”

Heather shifted a little in the frame, “I met someone.” All the girls oohed and ahhed.

“Oh, where? What’s he like?” Mac enthused.

“Well, it’s really casual right now, I don’t want to get too caught up in anything. We met in class and we’ve gotten coffee a couple times. It’s been nice.”

Martha beamed, “Oh I’m so happy for you!”

“Just be careful,” Mac added, “It would be a long way for JD to go just to punch someone.”

“I can punch assholes all by myself thank you very much!” Heather scoffed.

Veronica frowned, “JD isn’t allowed to punch people. Heather—Mac, sorry—don’t let JD punch anyone.”

“Spoil my fun,” JD muttered. He hadn’t _planned_ on starting any fights, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have. Of course, Dr. Cruz would be been mad at him too if he fell back into old habits like that.

Mac smiled, “Don’t worry, I’m a fun babysitter!”

“I will hack into your computer and delete your instagram.” JD threatened.

Heather snorted, “There’s the edgelord we all know and love, I was worried he was gone.”

JD rolled his eyes, “Careful, I’ll start quoting Baudelaire just to prove you wrong.”

Their conversation fell into its old patterns. He got into a heated discussion with Heather about west coast fast food that Martha had to break up. Mac talked about her new job teaching yoga at the student gym. Veronica was quieter than usual, but whatever was weighing on her seemed to fade as they were talking.

By the time they all hung up two hours later, he had convinced himself that he was wrong and she was as fine as she’d said.  


	3. A Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love this fic, it's so much fun to imagine these characters in a context that's so different from the source material. Enjoy!

“JD I’m telling you, it would be so good for you. Relaxing deep breathing, increased flexibility, improved balance, you’d love it!” Mac had been pleading with him for about an hour to take one of her yoga classes.

“No. There are some things that I will never do, and that’s one of them. Sorry, Mac.”

“JD you had a flashback at the bonfire on Saturday. Clearly you are too tense and you should do something to unwind.” JD flinched; he hadn’t realized she’d noticed that.

“It wasn’t even a bad one,” He muttered “It’s just the smell.” The smell of the smoke had taken him back to the moment the school had blown up when he had been thrown to the ground, and he couldn’t see anything. He’d lost track of Veronica, and for a terrifying moment he’d thought he’d lost her. Afterwards he'd had to call her to make sure she was okay. As always, she’d been there for him. Hearing her voice had brought him back to the present and cleared up most of his anxiety.

“JD, Veronica called me and told me about it. She thinks maybe you’re struggling.”

JD let out an exasperated breath, “Mac, we’re all struggling. We’re teenagers who survived a fucking explosion. Three people we knew died. Honestly, we _should_ be struggling. Yoga isn’t going to fix this.”

Mac’s eyes filled with tears, “Well _I_ think it could!”

“So you started yoga and everything is fine now? You’re all better?” JD snapped.

“No, but—“

“So maybe you’re struggling just as much as I am. At least I don’t try to pretend that everything is easy.” She flinched at his biting tone, but she didn’t back down.

“Well at least I’m trying! You sit around your room waiting for Veronica to call and get all emo when she doesn’t. Don’t blame me if you don’t want to get better!” Mac stormed away, leaving him alone in the quad.

With nothing left to do, he went back to his room to pine and be emo. He thought Mac was wrong about him not wanting to get better, but he knew that she was a lot more active in her treatment. Mac liked to _do_ things, whereas JD was more introspective. To her, his coping methods probably didn’t look like trying. But he thought she was just pretending to be cheerful all the time. To him, a lot of her methods seemed like lying.

“I am trying, Slush,” he said to his hamster, “I don’t think there’s more that I can do. Mac should maybe think about doing less.” He thought about calling Dr. Cruz—he knew he should tell her about the flashback at the bonfire—but thought better of it. He had two projects to complete and an essay for philosophy, he didn’t have time to talk through his fear of explosions.

He made significant progress on one of the projects. He gave himself a break when his phone pinged. He had a text from Evan.

_EH: Hey thinking about ordering pizza do you want some?_

_JD: Hell yes, I’ll grab slushies_

_EH: Okay cool!_

There was a lot to say about Evan, but you couldn’t fault his enthusiasm _._ He had accepted JD’s many quirks so JD tried to accept his. Mostly this just meant that JD learned a lot about trees, and Evan had a new appreciation for 7/11.

While eating pizza with Evan, he received a text from Martha.

_MD: JD, Mac said you two had a fight, is everything okay?_

_JD: Yeah_

When she replied, he ignored it. He didn’t feel like a lecture from his friends. One flashback didn’t mean he was going to fall apart completely, they needed to stop hovering.

“So, how are your friends?” Evan asked haltingly. Though he had gotten more comfortable around JD, he still always seemed concerned that he was going to say something wrong.

“They’re fine. I miss them though. Things were easier when we lived in the same town and we could call emergency HoW meetings. Those meetings always seemed to fix things somehow.”

“What’s HoW?” Evan asked.

“Me and my friends didn’t really start out as friends. A lot of stuff went down at our high school that kind of brought us together. After everything, people gave us this weird nickname. HoW is an acronym of that.” JD kept it deliberately vague. He didn’t really feel like getting into the gory details of dragging Paul’s bleeding body from the school with Veronica, or how he’d only been involved at all because Veronica thought he was the killer. He resolved to tell Evan someday, just not today.

“Oh, cool.” They spent the next hour showing each other songs and YouTube videos, just passing time. Somehow JD got the idea that Evan didn’t want to be alone, and since JD was in the same mood, it ended up being a good night.

He returned to his room and texted Veronica.

_JD: Hey, you up?_

_VS: Yeah, want to talk?_

_JD: Very much_

She called him on Skype and her face filling up his screen was one of the most welcome sights he’d had in a while. She looked a little better than she had last time he’d seen her. At least it seemed like she’d gotten a decent night’s sleep.

“Hey, JD. It’s really good to see you.” She smiled gently, “I heard you and Mac had a fight?”

JD groaned, “We just disagreed about treatment stuff. I don’t need a babysitter.”

Veronica nodded, “I know that. But I also remember the time you told me that you’re worried that you aren’t that different from Paul. You distance yourself from people when things go wrong. The others just don’t want to lose you.”

“You aren’t worried about that?” He asked.

“I know I’ll never lose you.” She smiled a little wryly but with warmth.

“I love you, Veronica.”

“Our love is god?” She teased.

“Shut up. I’m never saying anything cool to you again.”

“If that’s your idea of cool, then please don’t.” For the first time since she’d left their conversation felt completely normal.

Her classes were going well. She was studying journalism right now but she was thinking about switching. They talked that over for a while; eventually deciding that she didn’t have to decide now.

He thought she was a brilliant writer and photographer, both of which would make her a good journalist, but she wasn’t sure that’s what she wanted for the rest of her life.

“So, guess what,” He took a deep breath, “I heard from my dad.”

Her brown eyes went round, “Wait, really?” he nodded, “That’s the first time since April, right? What did he say?”

“He wanted to know where I was living and if I needed him to come get me. Then he offered to pay my tuition.” Veronica’s jaw dropped and she gaped at him. “Yeah, I know. I’m still trying to process it. I don’t really know what to think.”

Veronica was chewing on her lip, a sure sign she was trying to find the right words for a difficult idea. “Maybe he’s trying to rebuild some bridges? Maybe he’s trying to be a part of your life. It could be a good sign.”

JD knew that Veronica didn’t like his dad at all. Bud was a difficult man, and he’d intentionally made Veronica uncomfortable on all the occasions where they’d had to interact. It was nice of her to try to be positive about this, when he knew that she didn’t want JD to let Bud back into is life. She still thought about Bud’s attempt to move out of Ohio last fall as nothing short of kidnapping.

“Yeah,” He agreed, “It could be a good thing, but right now I’m not sure I’m ready for it. Texting occasionally is okay—if he’s going to try to be supportive—but I’m glad we’re not in the same state. For now, this is for the best.”

Even Veronica didn’t know the extent of the tension between JD and Bud, though he knew he would have to tell her eventually. Though Bud had never physically hit him, Dr. Cruz had helped identify certain things as abuse. Bud liked to be the most powerful person in a conversation, which was bad for the psyche of a twelve year-old whose mother had just died.

JD pushed his hair out of his eyes and tried to shake the bad thoughts out of his head. Veronica was smiling at him and he desperately wished she was there so he could lose himself in her. He thought they could both use a break from the world.

He changed the subject, tired of thinking about all the darkness. “Remember our first night together?”

She laughed, “Yes. I was pretty drunk, but I don’t think there’s any way I could forget _that.”_

“I think I was already in love with you then.” Hopefully she appreciated the honesty, instead of finding his instant connection to her creepy.

“Then Heather Chandler died and everything got complicated,” Veronica noted.

“Can I admit something really bad?” He asked. She nodded so he continued; “I’m almost a little glad sometimes. That she died. I know it’s awful but sometimes I wonder if I would have been able to handle seeing her hurt you. I still don’t have great impulse control, and back then I had almost none.” He looked at her, waiting to hear her judgment.

“I understand that. Not going to lie, I thought about killing Heather Chandler a couple times. But then, so did pretty much everyone in the school. But we didn’t. We all did what you told me to do that morning ‘let her do her worst, be better than her’. I think you saved my soul that day, JD.”

JD laughed, “Now there’s something I never thought I’d hear. For what it’s worth, you saved me too. I’m a better person because of you.”

“I think we’re all better because of each other. Mac is stronger, Martha is more confident, Heather is nicer, you’re less intense, and I’m… I don’t really know, but it’s better than what I was.”

He nodded. “You know, I think I need to apologize to Mac.”

“Yes, you should,” Veronica concurred. “We’re all just trying to support each other.” For a moment, JD saw the same nervousness that she’d been hiding during the group call. Then it was gone again, covered by the same neutral expression.

“Veronica, are you sure you’re okay?” It was an awkward transition but it needed to be said.

“Yeah of course I am!” She said it cheerfully, but she was shaking her head. He didn’t believe her, but he couldn’t force her to talk to him if she didn’t want to.

“Okay, I’m always here if you need anything.” He continued to search her face for some sign of what was wrong.

“Honestly JD, I’m okay. I’ve just been having nightmares again. The university therapist says that they’ll go away once I’m used to where I’m living.”

“What are they about?” They always told each other their nightmares; it had started out as a form of therapy, now it was natural.

“Oh, the usual,” Veronica said in a carefully casual voice, “Paul.”

This didn’t surprise JD. Veronica had kind of known Paul before they found him in the basement; at least she’d seen him around and probably talked to him at newspaper meetings. She’d also been the one to actually talk to him in the basement. She faced him while JD tried to diffuse the bomb, and JD thought that—more than anything—had messed her up.

She had also been the group’s most vocal spokesperson since then. Whenever they had been asked to speak to the news after the explosion or during the trial, Veronica was the one to do it. The only impromptu speech she had given had gone viral and become the basis of a major anti-bullying campaign. It was a lot of pressure.

Veronica continued, “He yells at me. I can’t ever tell what he’s saying, but he’s angry. I always try to leave, but I get lost in the basement. I run around down there— trying to get away from him and find you—until I wake up.”

“Veronica, Paul is in a mental health facility for the criminally insane in Cincinnati. He can’t hurt you.”

“I _know_ that. My subconscious hasn’t gotten the memo yet. They’re just dreams, it’ll stop eventually.” He hoped she was right; she looked so tired. Seeing her in pain and not being able to help was killing him.

“You know you can call me anytime, right? I’ll always be here for you if you need me.” It felt like a useless thing to say, but he meant it. Though he tried not to say it, she was his everything and he would do anything to make her happy.

That made her smile, “Thanks JD. I should go to bed, but I’m really glad we talked. Good night.”

“Sleep well. I love you.”

They closed out of the call and JD stared at the blank screen for a while, thinking about what Veronica had been saying about Paul. At the trial he’d been so angry. He’d gotten off on an insanity plea and was sentenced to life in an insane asylum, and the whole town had promptly stopped talking about him. People treated Chandler’s suicide note as fact, and Kurt and Ram were frequently referred to as ‘gay lovers’.

Even after everything he’d done, no one remembered Paul except the people who had stopped him.


	4. An Apology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some free time today so I did another chapter. Enjoy!

The next day he had classes until late afternoon. As soon as he was free, he went to Mac’s dorm. There was music coming from behind the door, so at least she was home.

He knocked on the door, but Mac wasn’t the one to answer it. Her roommate Jenna did. She was a tall, pretty redhead, with red lips that curled into a sneer when she saw him. “Wow, serial killer chic. Not a look I see very often anymore. You should really rethink your look.”

JD bristled, he had gotten used to his friends making fun of his coat because he knew they understood that he wore it because it made him feel safe. This girl didn’t know him, and she wasn’t just joking with him. She was being a bitch.

The old, angry, nihilist JD surged up with a vengeance. He looked over his right shoulder, as if watching something fly away, “Oh wow, look! There go all the fucks I might’ve given. I’m here to talk to Mac.” He glowered at her, and tried to look past her to talk to Mac.

Jenna smiled coolly, “Mac doesn’t need to be talking to people like you. Can you find your way out? Good.”

She moved to close the door, but JD caught it. He leaned over Jenna and saw that Mac was standing on the other side of the room, looking furious.

Mac was one of the gentlest people that he knew, second only to Martha but when she got angry, she was truly terrifying.

“Jenna, back the fuck off, I’m going to talk to my friend,” She snarled.

Jenna’s eyes went wide, but she didn’t back down. “Mac, no one stays friends with the people they liked in high school. You don’t need this psycho. Kick him out and we can party with guys who are actually hot.”

JD was starting to have déjà vu. Something about this girl was very familiar. Mac had probably noticed it too, which is why she was still so obviously pissed. “I’m going to go talk to JD, when I get back, I want you to have either fixed your attitude or fucked off, m’kay? Great.” Mac slipped past her stunned roommate and closed the door firmly behind her.

“Wow Mac, before I start apologizing I just have to say, that was amazing,” He admired.

“Well, you know,” She said with a coy smile, “I learned from the best. Heather Chandler would have eaten her alive.”

JD smiled at her, “True. And Mac? I’m really sorry for being a dick yesterday. I’ll try to put myself out there more and stop being emo.” He ended with a wry half smile.

Mac rolled her eyes, “You’ll never stop being emo, but I love you anyway. All is forgiven. Or, at least, it will be if you do me one favor.” She smiled hopefully at him.

“What?” He asked suspiciously.

“I’m going to a party on Saturday and I want you to come with me.”

“Mac, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t like crowds; I won’t know anyone. It’ll be awkward,” He knew Mac liked parties, but surely she realized that they weren’t his thing.

“JD! You just said you were going to put yourself out there more,” She pouted, “Please?”

“Damnit Mac, disappointing you is like trying to choke the little mermaid with a bike chain. Fine. On one condition; I’m taking Evan with me.” JD hoped that having a little backup would help him. Or Evan would give him an excuse to leave early.

“Okay, great! Thanks so much!” Her thousand-watt smile could’ve lit the whole campus.

“Mac, I hope I didn’t start something between you and your roommate.” He didn’t want to make her living situation bad; she needed somewhere she could feel safe.

“It was bound to happen. Honestly, she was really starting to drive me crazy. She would’ve fit right in with the Heathers, and I really don’t need more of that in my life.” Mac went quiet, probably thinking about what she’d been like in high school.

JD’s phone rang, and he checked to see who was calling. Apparently, his adopted sister needed something.

He showed the screen to Mac, who nodded so he put her on speaker.

“Hey Heather, you have me and Mac.”

“Oh, um, okay.” Heather sounded disappointed, which was odd for her.

“Are you okay?” He had assumed she’d called for homework help or something.

“Yeah, I’m great!” Her cheeriness sounded a little forced, but he didn’t push her on it. “I just wanted to say hi, make sure my adopted little brother is doing okay.”

JD sighed, he was getting pretty sick of people asking after his mental state, “I’m fine, Heather. How are things in California? Classes going okay?”

“Ooooh!” Heather butted in, “How’s the new relationship? Any progress?”

“Uh, no not really. I’m taking things slow. Classes have me pretty busy, so I haven’t been doing much besides homework.”

“Ugh that’s so boring!” Mac whined.

“Go get a relationship of your own if you’re so desperate!” Heather countered.

Mac was quick to reply, “Maybe I will!”

They bickered for a while until JD finally intervened, “Guys, quit it, this is dumb. There is definitely something better we could be talking about.”  
            Mac perked up immediately, “Yeah, like the party I convinced JD to go to with me this weekend!”

Heather laughed, “You’re taking _JD_ to a party? God, can you get a video? I’ll watch it to make myself feel better when I think I’ve done something awkward.”

“Shut up, Heather,” JD muttered, “I’m going to look out for Mac, that’s all. I can avoid being awkward for that long.”

“Okay, good. Well, I’ve got class so I should take off, but it was good talking to you, little bro. Have a good week, we’ll talk on Thursday for the group call!”

Heather hung up, and JD looked over at Mac, “Why am I her ‘little’ brother? I’m taller than her. And older than her.”

Mac laughed and he shoved her gently. She gave him a sidelong look, “I don’t need you to look out for me. I’ve been going to college parties since I was fifteen; I’ll be fine.”

“Mac, that’s actually really awful, and I’m your friend so of course I’m going to look out for you. You would do the same for me.”

He stared at her earnestly until she finally nodded, “Okay, but no punching people.”

JD groaned in mock-disappointment, “But what if they really deserve it? Sometimes people really deserve to be punched in the face.”

Mac frowned as she considered this, “You can punch people if I tell you it’s okay; how’s that?”

A smile spread across JD’s face, “That works for me.”

A couple hours later, he got a text from Mac.

_HM: Did you think Heather was being weird about her boyfriend?_

_JD: I don’t know. I always think she’s being weird_

_HM: I’m adding Veronica, hold on._

_JD: Okay_

_VS: What’s up?_

_HM: Heather is being weird about her new boyfriend_

_JD: Mac thinks Heather is being weird, I think she’s just being Heather._

_VS: Okay…_

_HM: Look, I’ve known Heather longer than both of you, and I know for sure that she LOVES giving all the details about everyone she’s dating. Why isn’t she doing it this time?_

_VS: Because she outgrew the need to brag about how many boys are flirting with her?_

_JD: Because it’s not someone we’ve met so we won’t have anything to add?_

_VS: Because she thinks we won’t like him?_

_JD: Why wouldn’t we like him?_

_VS: Idk, maybe he’s a bad boy?_

_JD: Yeah, there’s only enough room for one of those in this group ;)_

_HM: Stop getting sidetracked!_

_VS: You aren’t a bad boy; you just dress like one._

_HM: GUYS!_

_VS: Sorry Mac_

_JD: Sorry Mac_

_HM: You two are useless._

_VS: Look, if Heather isn’t telling us about him, it’s probably for a reason. Just give her time and she’ll open up._

_JD: Maybe she doesn’t want to jinx it by talking about it. She said it was new._

_HM: Okay, but I’m dying of curiosity!_

_VS: She’ll tell us eventually._

_HM: Yeah I know. I just don’t want us to start keeping secrets._

_JD: Mac, it’s just one little thing, not some kind of omen._

_VS: Don’t worry she’s going to tell us when she’s ready._

_JD: I should go; I have an essay for philosophy_

_VS: Ugh, I have stuff too :p_

_HM: Great, now I feel guilty for not doing my homework._

JD set his phone down and got to work. He was already about three pages into his paper, but it was supposed to be six or seven pages so he had a while to go.

After a couple of hours, he desperately wanted to stop thinking about the philosophy of morality. He liked big words and fancy quotes, but the class often made him feel weird. The whole point of it was to question commonly held moral beliefs, which always sent him down a dark rabbit hole thinking about Paul. He was the only person JD had ever known who clearly held no regard for typical moral standards. Obviously that hadn’t gone well for him.

When he’d finally sketched out a decent conclusion, he quit, shutting his laptop with a snap. He allowed exhaustion to take over and crashed on his bed with his shoes still on.

Classes dragged on that week. He turned in his essay and barely finished the program he was working on in time to hand it in. He went to therapy, and had a long talk with Dr. Cruz.

As usual, he mostly wanted to talk about Veronica because he was worried about her, but Dr. Cruz wouldn’t let him. She forced him to express his feelings about Paul, and to explain why he was feeling so much anxiety. It didn’t end up being a very productive session because JD didn’t know where all this tension was coming from. He left feeling just as restless as he’d arrived.

At last, Thursday night and the group call arrived. They went to Martha’s again because her wifi was better than the campus’s. Heather had a large container full of a project for her food science class.

“It’s butternut squash gnocchi, it’s not the healthiest thing ever but it’s all local and it should be really delicious.” JD had never heard Mac so excited about anything. The first thing she did once she got into Martha’s apartment was go to the kitchen to grab bowls and start serving her masterpiece.

“Holy shit, Mac. You can do your weird food experiments on me anytime!” And it really was amazing. JD had very low standards when it came to food, but he recognized the good stuff when he had it. Mac laughed and clapped her hands together with a little squeal.

“I knew there was a good reason to keep you around!” She laughed.

JD frowned, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you know, we all have our jobs. Heather keeps us focused, Martha stops the arguing, Veronica is the leader, and I bring the snacks,” She shrugged.

“Hey!” He said, trying not to get offended, “I punch people! You’d really miss having me around if someone needed to be punched and I wasn’t there.” He leaned back with a satisfied smirk.

Martha frowned, “We shouldn’t be punching anyone. It’s time for the call, do you have it set up?”

JD nodded and went back to his computer. He called Heather first, but as soon as her faced appeared on the screen, his phone pinged, signaling a text to the group chat.

_VS: Hey, something came up. I can’t make it to the call tonight. Sorry._

There was a long moment of silence as they all read and reread it. Heather spoke up first, “What’s up with her?” She shifted her focus to JD.

He shook his head, “I don’t know. She seemed okay last time we talked.” He pulled out his phone, “I’ll text her.”

_JD: V, what’s going on? Why can’t you talk?_

He stared at his phone. She didn’t answer. He kept waiting, but there was no sign she’d even read the message.

Eventually, Martha put a hand on his arm, “JD, she’s fine. She probably just got busy with something. Everything is okay.” She was trying to be soothing, but JD was too tense to register it, much less be calmed by it.

“I’m worried about her. She said she was having nightmares, and she seemed tense. I should go talk to her.” He grabbed his coat, and turned towards the door.

“JD! Stop!” Heather shouted from her computer, “It’s a five hour drive to Chicago. You can’t just run off right now. Oh my god, you have zero chill sometimes!” Heather let out an exasperated huff, “She’s not in danger she’s just stressed or something. Relax. At least give her a few hours to text you back?”

Grudgingly, JD nodded and sat back down. He kept his phone in his hand in case she called or texted.

There was a long, strained silence as they all tried to think of something to say that didn’t have anything to do with Veronica’s unusual absence.

Finally, Heather bit the bullet, “Okay guys, here’s something that’s sure to distract you,” She paused dramatically, “I’m dating a woman.”

Mac looked at Martha in confusion, but JD looked at Heather and shrugged, “Cool, so am I.”

Martha followed his lead and went for nonchalance, “That’s nice, Heather. What’s her name?”

“Seriously? I drop the bisexuality bomb and you all just shrug?” Heather looked miffed; “I thought this was going to be something big! I was super stressed about this!”

Mac laughed, “Sorry Heather, I guess it just takes a lot to shock us. And anyway, we love you, we don’t care who you date.”

“Unless they’re an asshole,” JD added.

Heather smirked, “Then how come you get to date Veronica?”

JD had the strong urge to throw something at her, but unfortunately hitting his computer with a pillow wouldn’t do a lot of good. He settles for flicking the microphone, hoping that at least the sound would be annoying.

“Quit it, you too!” Mac jumped in, “So what’s she like? What’s she studying?”

“She’s so cool! You guys would love her.” Heather was beaming, “She’s still deciding between engineering and computer science, but we bonded over being women in STEM.”

“Have you told her about us? And everything… you know, else?” Martha asked. Their shared history was a lot to take in, which was part of the reason they kept each other so close. After everything they’d been through it was almost hard to relate to other people.

“I told her a little, then she looked up the rest. She was freaked, but then she googled bomb diffusing so that if it ever happened again she could help us. I know it’s a little crazy but I think it’s the sweetest thing. She gets it guys, and she gets us. She promised she would never try to come between us.”

JD snorted, “As if she could!”

“She sounds great. Once we figure out what’s up with Veronica, you’ll have to invite her to one of these calls so we can meet her.” Martha smiled warmly. She was the most welcoming of the group. JD was a little nervous about bringing someone into their circle, but he was open to meeting anyone who could make normally cool Heather bubbly.

The call ended on an awkward note as they wondered what had happened to Veronica. She should have been there for such a major moment. JD dropped Mac off at her dorm, and returned to his. When he arrived he saw that he had missed a text from the girl in question.

_VS: JD, sorry I missed the call. Things are a little complicated right now. I’ll explain soon. No matter what, I love you._

Right. Nothing ominous about that at all. 


	5. Another Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! Gratitude and love to those of you who have commented, it really means a lot to me! Enjoy!

_JD: Hey V, call me back please_

_JD: What’s going on?_

_JD: Veronica please talk to me_

_JD: I’m worried about you_

He was trying hard not to be obsessive, but he was getting worried about her. Since Thursday she had called once, for five minutes, to tell him that she was fine, but that she would be out of touch. She hadn’t told him why, and she hadn’t sounded fine at all. It was Saturday and he was really starting to be worried about her. She finally replied in the afternoon.

_VS: Hey JD. Sorry you’ve been worried. Can you just give me a couple days and I’ll explain everything? Go to the party with Mac and have fun. I love you. We’ll talk soon_

He stared blankly at the screen for a minute. It didn’t really sound like Veronica, and it still offered no explanation but at least it was something. He trusted her, so he had to believe her if she said she was okay. He was still feeling unsettled but it was enough to hold him for now. And he had promised Mac he would go tonight.

Evan had politely declined his invitation so he was on his own when he knocked on Heather’s door. Her roommate answered.

“Ugh.” Jenna curled her lip in disgust, “Mac, please tell me you aren’t taking Scarface to the party tonight?”

JD rolled his eyes, “Are you trying to make fun of a scar that I got while saving hundreds of people from an exploding high school? Because I think that’s going to backfire.” The scar in question was pale white, and it perfectly bisected his left eyebrow. Scarface was a common nickname, though he preferred Martha’s Lion King comparison.

Jenna didn’t have a quick retort, so he nudged past her into Mac’s room. She was running around in one shoe trying to finish getting ready. “You’re early! You shouldn’t have come early, it’s rude!” She insisted, snatching a necklace from her desk.

JD checked his watch, “Sorry Mac, I came when you told me to. Don’t worry, I can keep myself occupied.” He removed a flask from his coat pocket and took a long sip. Though he tried to avoid alcohol for the most part, he knew he would only get through tonight if he got drunk.

Mac frowned at him, “I hope you brought enough to share.”

JD raised his scarred eyebrow at her, unimpressed. Then he walked over to her desk, opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a bottle of cheap flavored vodka. “I think you have your own.”

“How did you even know that was there?” She asked.

He smirked at her, “You kept liquor in the same place in your room in high school. Remember, we all raided it after prom?”

She snorted, “No, I don’t remember because _somebody”_ She glared at him, “Convinced me it was a good idea to do shots.”

He shrugged and gave her a half smile, “Sorry Mac. Anyway, I brought this for you.” He held out his spare flask.

“Go ahead and fill it for me. I’m almost ready.” He poured the sweet-smelling liquid carefully into the flask, then closed it and put the bottle away.

When he looked up she was standing in front of him with an expectant look on her face, “Well? How do I look?”

“Oh, Um… good?” He supposed she did look nice, he just rarely noticed anyone who wasn’t Veronica. Mac huffed and rolled her eyes so he amended his statement, “You look great Mac.”

She beamed, “I always dress like I’m going to party with Heather Chandler.”

He laughed and they turned and started walking out of the dorm. She grabbed her flask and took a long drink before handing it back to him. “I don’t have pockets,” She explained.

“Right, of course you couldn’t wear something practical.” Still, he took her flask and stored it in one of his coat pockets.

The walked across campus to get to the house Mac had secured an invitation to. He could hear the party long before he could see it. He took another long drink from his flask, wishing it would kick in a little faster.

“Okay, just try to be friendly and stay close to me.” Mac instructed, “And, JD? Try not to worry about Veronica. I’m sure she’s fine.” He nodded and took another drink. He was bad at not thinking about Veronica.

Once inside, the party was wild enough that it distracted even him. Mac was immediately flocked by other guests, pushing JD back a bit. He didn’t mind. He preferred to stand against the wall and watch without getting involved.

Sadly, drunk girls either didn’t know this, or didn’t care.

A petite brunet walked right up to him and put a hand on his arm, smiling boldly. “Hi there tall dark and handsome, what’s up?”

“Um, nothing?” JD was very far out of his element so he took a drink to avoid looking at the girl who was now pressing against him. He gently pushed her back, trying not to be rude.

“Aw, why so shy? Don’t you want to have some fun?” JD definitely did not want that, but she had him pinned against a wall and she was very resistant to gentle pushing.

“Casey, back the fuck off, his girlfriend could beat you to death with a croquet mallet.” Mac swooped in to rescue him, and the girl skittered off with a little pout.

“Thanks Mac.”

“I seriously can’t leave you alone for one second, can I?” She shook her head at him, her blond curls bouncing.

“That’s just not something I’m used to dealing with,” He muttered.

She gave him a skeptical look, “What, Veronica never flirted with you?”

He frowned at her, “Veronica is different, and to be honest, no we didn’t actually flirt that much. I beat the crap out of some assholes, we ran into each other at a 7/11, I told her my tragic backstory, she broke into my house. Bam! We’re dating.”

Heather laughed, “I honestly don’t know who’s weirder in that story, you or Veronica.”

He smirked, “So you think Veronica would beat someone to death for flirting with me?”

“No! I just know that she _could._ I don’t really think that she actually would. Probably.”

That got a genuine smile from him, “She definitely could. Go have fun, Mac. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be around.”

For the first time, he saw a little bit of nervousness in Mac’s eyes, “Just… don’t leave, okay?”

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it, “I’m here for you Mac. I won’t leave without you.”

She smiled, once again all confidence. She waved a little and wandered away. He took a drink as he watched her walk away. He had finally started to feel a little buzzed and was almost ready to relax a little bit. The music was decent so it wasn’t totally unbearable.

He was halfway through his flask when a guy he recognized from one of his classes walked over and handed him a beer. They talked about homework and coding for a while. He was surprised when JD told him he was a freshman and mostly self-taught. JD opted not to explain why he’d had so much time to study computers and shrugged it off with a vague joke.

He heard a loud shriek from the next room. The guy with him groaned, “Ugh, drunk freshman girls are the worst.”

JD tried to get a look through the doorway He’d seen Mac walk through there a few minutes ago and he wanted to make sure she was okay. He saw a flash of yellow standing on a table.

“Oh, shit.”

JD walked into the room and saw Mac dancing on a table, clearly much drunker than him. The crowd was cheering her on, and as he watched, some guy jumped up onto the table with her. He started grinding against Mac, holding her tightly from behind. He could see the moment she stopped having fun.

JD pushed through the crowd to get to Mac and pull her away. Naturally, tons of people had gathered around to watch the show so it was a battle to get to the center. Finally, he broke through and reached up to Mac, she grabbed his arms and he pulled her away from the douchebag, setting her down beside him. She swayed and he steadied her, then turned to help her walk away.

“Hey! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” The douchebag shouted from behind him.

JD took a steadying breath, “I’m getting my friend out of here.” He’d been in enough fights to know where this was going.

The guy gave him a cocky smirk, “We were all just having a good time. Besides, I wouldn’t be doing my job as a citizen if I let some fucking psycho kidnap this girl.”

JD was really starting to get tired of that word. He took another deep breath then turned to keep walking. Dr. Cruz’s words echoed in his head _Just walk away, JD. Just walk away_.

“Walking away like a pussy? Just like I bet your mommy walked away from you?” JD gritted his teeth. He’d punched people for a lot less than this.

He turned to Mac, “So….” She smiled at him.

“Kick his ass.”

JD turned around and faced the guy, hands curled into fists. “Last chance.”

The asshole just laughed and walked up to him, putting his fists up like he was in a cheesy movie. JD smiled.

The other guy threw the first punch, and JD sidestepped it easily. He threw a right hook that landed on the asshole’s cheek with a satisfying crack. The other guy staggered back, so JD hooked his foot around his leg and pulled sharply.

The asshole went down hard. His head hit the dirty wood floor with a loud thud. JD flicked his hair out of his face and walked away with Mac.

Walking across campus with an extremely drunk Heather McNamara was not something JD would have thought he’d have to do. It was also a lot more difficult than he would have assumed.

She kept trying to run away.

“Hey!” He shouted, “Mac come back, you owe me that much. I made my therapist _and_ my girlfriend mad—for you—tonight.” That at least brought her back to his side with a sheepish smile.

She pressed her finger into the tip of his nose, “She won’t be mad at you, Veronica likes it when you punch people.” Mac giggled and stumbled over her feet.

JD rolled his eyes, but was secretly a little pleased by this.

Eventually, she sagged against him so he wrapped his arm around her waist and half guided, half carried her back to his dorm. He lived slightly closer and his third floor dorm was preferable to her seventh floor one if he was carrying dead weight up stairs. She occasionally groaned or murmured something unintelligible but otherwise seemed to have passed out.

As he walked, he thought he saw a shadow passing between buildings but he dismissed it as his drunk, paranoid brain playing tricks on him. He had carried Paul just like this when they’d run from the school; maybe the familiarity caused a spike in his anxiety. Whatever the reason, he felt much safer once he was inside his ugly but secure dorm building.

The stairs were a struggle, even after Mac perked up to take a few steps. She swayed and staggered so much he went back to carrying her almost immediately. Finally, they got to his door. He leaned her against the wall so he could unlock it.

As he did so, she looked at him and slurred, “Thanks for taking me home JD, I didn’t want to sleep with Kurt.” JD sighed and nodded. Sometimes he forgot that their trauma wasn’t all because of Paul.

He took off Mac’s shoes and laid her down in his bed. After he’d covered her with the blanket he left the room to fill a water bottle. She would probably be hurting in the morning, but at least she was safe.

Changing in front of Mac—even while she was sleeping—felt strange, so he kept his shirt on but removed his jeans and sneakers. He didn’t have a spare blanket or pillow, so he balled up a sweatshirt and covered himself in his coat. The dorm floor was hard and not as clean as he would have liked. He flexed his sore knuckles, they were bruised but not bleeding, so he settled down and got as comfortable as he could. He eventually fell into the uneasy, sleeplike daze of the deeply tired and profoundly uncomfortable.

He jerked awake hours later as a figure sneaked into his room. 


	6. Something Illegal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone who reads this is having a good week! Enjoy!

JD held perfectly still as the person, walked into his room. It was dark enough that he doubted they could tell he was there, and certainly too dark for him to distinguish any of the intruders features, or even their gender.

The figure stepped on his shoulder and let out a horrifying shriek.

JD sat bolt upright, nearly head-butting the person as they collapsed to the ground.

“ _Veronica, what are you doing in my room?”_ The jolt of familiarity hit him hard. Of course he knew her. He would recognize her anywhere.

She was sobbing as he held her; whatever terror had struck her when she stepped on him seemed to be overwhelming her.

“Shh, Shh, Veronica it’s alright” He whispered as he rocked her, “I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

Just then the door burst open, “What’s going on?”

JD gaped at the doorway, “Evan… what the hell?”

His neighbor shuffled his feet awkwardly, “I, uh, heard screaming. I came to make sure you were okay.”

It was actually pretty nice of him, and at any other moment JD would have been touched. But right now, he was still a little drunk, Mac was passed out in his bed, and Veronica was still crying in his arms, he needed backup for this.

Still rubbing his girlfriend’s back, he looked at Evan, “Okay, my phone is on the desk. I need you to go get it and text Martha. Tell her to come to my room as soon as possible, and bring slushies. Did you get all that?” Evan nodded. ‘Bring slushies’ was pretty much HoW code for ‘this is an emergency’. Martha would understand the importance and come right away. JD turned back to Veronica.

“Hey, V, whatever it is, it’s going to be alright. We’re together so it’s all going to be okay.” She nodded, her tears finally slowing. He wrapped his coat around her shoulders, hoping to calm her shaking.

“I thought you were dead,” He voice was barely audible. “You were lying on the ground and I was sure he’d gotten to you.”

He didn’t take the time to explain the circumstances leading up to Mac taking over his bed. “Who got me? Why would I be dead?” She pressed her face into the curve of his neck. He kissed her hair gently.

“I saw Paul.”

He was sure he’d misheard her. What she was saying was impossible. There was no way it could be true. Paul was locked away for life for three murders and several hundred attempted murders. She couldn’t have seen him.

Evan spoke before JD could ask her to clarify, “Martha said she’s coming, but she doesn’t seem happy about it. There are lots of anger and sleep emojis.”

JD nodded, that was only fair. Veronica clung to him, her nails digging into his scalp as she ran her fingers through his hair. He thought she was trying to make sure he was really here.

Evan shuffled out of the room and JD didn’t try to stop him. This situation would be a lot to explain right now. He would do it tomorrow and hope Evan understood.

“Veronica, you can’t have seen Paul. We were at the trial; we saw the sentencing. He’s never going to see the light of day again.” She still seemed too freaked out for logic, but he tried anyway.

“JD, he looked right at me. I know it was him.” Her voice was starting to sound steadier, but she was still shaking badly.

“Okay, so why are you here? What about your classes?”

“When I saw him I freaked out and called my parents. They called my therapist because they thought I was losing my mind. She recommended that I come home from school because she thought I was having a breakdown.” Veronica explained bitterly.

“So you ran away from home?” JD asked, unsure of how to approach the rest of her statement.

“I left a note telling them I was going to be with you. They’ll be fine.” JD doubted it. If the Sawyers really believed that Veronica was having a mental breakdown, they probably wanted her to be at home, not living with her boyfriend. He was at a loss for what to say to Veronica and how to deal with everything she was saying.

“JD,” Veronica said seriously, “Do you believe me?”

“I don’t think you’re having a breakdown.” He said carefully.

Even in the darkness of the room he could see Veronica’s eyes narrow, “That’s not an answer.”

“Okay fine, I don’t know. I don’t know if I believe that you saw Paul. I know that I really don’t want you to have seen him. But… I don’t like the other options either.” He heaved a sigh, “We’ll get it figured out though. I promise.” He didn’t know if he could keep that promise.

They fell into a loaded silence. He just held her, glad that she was here regardless of the circumstances that brought her.

They were still sitting like that when Martha came in. She was wearing a hoody with a reference to something JD hadn’t heard of and carrying her portfolio and art supplies case, struggling to balance them and three slushies.

“This had better be important.” She stated flatly as she turned on the light.

When she caught she caught sight of Veronica she stopped dead, gaping at the shaking, pale figure of her best friend. “Veronica?” She turned to JD, “What’s she doing here? I didn’t bring enough slushies.”

“I definitely don’t think I could eat anything anyway,” Veronica

“I’ll calling Heather so she doesn’t have to explain it over and over.” From the bed, the unconscious yellow lump groaned.

Martha’s eyebrows shot up, “Is Mac asleep in your bed?”

“She got drunk.” JD didn’t really want to get into the details.

He booted up his computer and called Heather. When she answered, he let out a snort. His normally poised and polished adopted sister was rumpled, her hair messy and lipstick smeared.

“JD! Um, hi. This isn’t really a great time…” In the background he saw a movement.

Despite everything he found himself laughing. It was so unlike Heather to be caught off-guard like this. “Sorry Heather, but this can only wait long enough for you to introduce us to your… friend.”

“Wait, hang on,” Veronica interrupted, “Did I miss something? Who is Heather having sex with?”

“Oh right, you missed the call, Heather’s dating a girl now,” He informed her.

Veronica nodded, unsurprised, “Okay, who is she?”

Heather shifted so there was room for the other girl on the screen. “Hi, I’m Becca.” She had dirty blond hair and tanned skin that was just a little flushed from recent activities.

JD waved a little, “I’m Jason Dean, JD for short.”

Becca knitted her brows together and looked at Heather, “How come your adopted brother doesn’t have your last name?”

“Because technically speaking, we didn’t adopt him so much as kidnap him,” Heather said. It was actually true, if his father had chosen to, he could have pressed charges because JD was a minor at the time.

Becca looked comically confused but she didn’t say anything. Veronica didn’t seem able to smile, but she got an introduction out, as did Martha.

“And Heather McNamara— we call her Mac—is passed out over there. So, yeah that’s the group. How much has Heather told you about us?” JD was wary of welcoming someone else into their ranks, but Becca was here and this meeting couldn’t really wait.

“She just said you were friends from high school, what else is there to know?”

Heather stepped in, “JD this isn’t really a good time, just tell me what’s going on please.”

Becca moved away from the camera, “Heather, I’ll come back later okay? Maybe you can fill me in about this then.” She left before Heather could protest.

Heather turned back to the camera, “Okay, what’s happening? Is it about Mac being drunk or the guy that you punched?” JD frowned at her in confusion, how did she know about the fight? “Your fist is a giant-ass bruise,” She explained.

Veronica answered for him, “Actually neither, though at some point I want an explanation for those. The reason I came here is… well, I saw Paul.” The others gaped at her then started babbling at once.

“Ronnie that’s not possible.”

“It was probably just someone who looked like him.”

“UGH let me sleep!”

The last one was from Mac.

When the hubbub died down a bit, Veronica continued, “Guys, I’m sure it was him. He looked right at me. He stared into my eyes. I know it was Paul.”

“There’s only one way to be sure,” JD said, “We have to call the facility and see if he’s still there. V, I know you won’t feel better if he is still there, but at least we’ll know.”

“No matter what,” Martha added, “We don’t think you’re crazy. There have been a couple times when I thought I saw Paul.”

“Guys,” Heather said, “They don’t just give away patient information at secure mental health facilities.”

“We can at least try,” JD said. He knew Veronica needed to know for sure. Hell, _he_ needed to know for sure. “If not, there are… other ways.” He didn’t go into details because he wasn’t sure he had the necessary skills to pull off what he was thinking about.

Heather rolled her eyes. “Alright then. I should probably go explain to my girlfriend that I’m only friends with you people because someone had to make sure you didn’t fuck up saving the school.” She paused, chewing on her lip, “Have you had to explain it to an outsider yet? How did you do it?”

Martha nodded slowly, “The first project for my art of comic books class was to draw a short comic based on a formative event from our lives. She made me talk about it after class because she was worried about me…”

JD shook his head, “I need to tell Evan eventually but I have no idea how. Good luck.”

On that note, Heather left the call. JD turned to Mac, “Did you hear any of that?”

She groaned, “Yeah, it’s _Heroes of Westerburg II: Paul’s Return_ and we’re all going to die.” It was the first time any of them had mentioned what would happen if Paul really was back. Would he come after them?

JD looked around the room and gritted his teeth. He had worked too damn hard for the slice of normal in his life, and no one was going to take it from him.

Veronica pulled his coat tighter around her shoulders, “I don’t want to die.”

“I won’t let him hurt you. Not ever.” JD promised harshly, pulling her against his chest.

“What about the rest of us?” Martha asked, “I don’t think I’d be much good in a fight.” It was probably true. Martha was very gentle which wasn’t ideal for fistfights. Heather or Veronica would probably be his first choice, Heather had quite the vicious streak and Veronica was easily the most determined person he’d ever met.

Regardless of who he’d want beside him in a fight, he cared very deeply about all of his friends, “Martha, we’ll keep each other safe. That’s what we do.”

She nodded and went back to her drawing. He looked over to see what it was. She seemed to be sketching something more abstract with charcoal instead of her usual pencil drawings and paintings.

He nodded at her work, “That looks different.”

“Yeah, for this project my professor wanted us to work with a different aesthetic. He told me to stop drawing fanart of my friends.” She said her voice wounded.

“That’s ridiculous! Half of the most famous paintings in the world are just fanart of rich people who paid the artist. Your teacher sounds like a tool,” JD insisted. It earned him a small smile before she went back to work.

“So… what are you working on?” JD asked hesitantly.

Martha looked up and blinked at him, “It’s a drawing of Slushie, actually. It helps to be in the same room with him, instead of using the picture.”

“When did you get a picture of my hamster?”

“Mac gave it to me.”

“Okay… When did Mac get a picture of my hamster?”

“You weren’t around.” Mac murmured, “Where’s my goddamn slushie?”

Veronica knitted her eyebrows together, “My friends are weird.”

JD nodded, “Yeah but we’re yours.” She smiled at him. It was a small, weak thing but it gave him hope. They would figure this out. They would be okay.

They fell asleep like that, even Martha eventually passed out with her pencil still in hand. When she woke up she left almost immediately.

“I’ve got to go turn this in. I’ll come back later!” She dashed out of the room.

Mac followed soon after, muttering about needing a shower and a change of clothes, and something about her roommate.

When the door closed behind her, JD turned to Veronica, faintly illuminated in the early morning light. She looked like hell. Her eyes were red rimmed and the dark smudges underneath them made her look years older.

He wanted to protect her from everything that might be coming. If Paul had escaped, Veronica would probably be the one he wanted to go after. She was the most vocal group member, and something of an Internet celebrity after her anti-bullying campaign had been so successful. He wished she hadn’t spoken out at all, if it meant she would be safer now.

“It’s seven, there will be someone to talk to now. Will you call?” She looked at him and he couldn’t read the expression on her face. She was trying to be brave, though whether it was for his sake or her own he didn’t know.

“Yeah.”

He searched online and dialed the number he found with shaking hands. A surprisingly cheery voice answered him. “St. Elizabeth’s Psychiatric Facility. This is Nora, how may I help you?”

He tried to take a deep breath but his nerves were getting the better of him. His voice wasn’t steady when he said, “I’d like to enquire after a patient there. Paul Lawrence.”

“Are you a family member?”

Damn, he was hoping they wouldn’t get that question. “Um, no. I… knew him. And I just wanted to know if he was still there?”

Her voice was tense when she replied, “Sir, the people here are very sick, people like you calling to admire what he did don’t help him get better. Please don’t call again.”

Silence.

He put his phone down and turned to Veronica, “She didn’t tell me anything. She thought I was a _fan_ or something.” His lips curled up in disgust at the idea of someone admiring what Paul had done.

Veronica shook her head, “I think some people are really hurting, and they like the idea of someone— _anyone_ —finally getting back at people like the ones who hurt them.” Veronica was much more empathetic than him, he thought the idea of admiring a serial killer was gross. Veronica frowned and looked down at her hands. JD followed her gaze.

Her wrist had several burns on it.

Horrified, he gently lifted her hand up so he could look at the marks up close. “Veronica, did you do this to yourself?”

She nodded silently.

“V… Why? Whatever was wrong I would have helped, you didn’t have to do this.” He was still staring at the puckered, scarred flesh. None of the marks were fully healed; she hadn’t been doing this very long.

“I kept having these nightmares. I wasn’t getting enough sleep and things started to feel… less real. The pain focused my mind, helped me figure out what was real. When I saw Paul, it was the first thing I did because I thought I was dreaming.”

“That’s why you’re so sure it was really him.”

“Yeah. But I need to prove it. My parents saw these when they came to pick me up and freaked out. They think I’m going to kill myself, so they put me on house arrest. They, um, missed the fact that my window doesn’t lock.”

Her window didn’t lock because she had broken it sneaking out to see him last year. “They’re probably panicking right now, you should call them.”

“I’ll call when I have proof,” She insisted.

He didn’t try to argue. “V, I think I can get proof, but you need to leave.”

Her eyebrows lifted up, “Why?”

“What I’m about to do is really illegal and I don’t want you involved if I get caught. Just, please leave,” He begged.

“Stop trying to protect me. If you’re doing something illegal, I want in. What’s the plan?”

God she was beautiful when she was stubborn. She looked dangerous in a way he had only seen once before—when she had confronted him while under the impression that _he_ was the one trying to blow up the school.

“Okay, I’m going to hack into St. Elizabeth's and see if I can dig up some documentation on Paul. If he’s still there, I probably won’t find much, but if he isn’t, there’s definitely going to be something explaining why. I just need to find it.”

She gritted her teeth, “He can’t hide from us.”

He nodded and got to work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so since JD doesn't have a God complex in this one, I gave him a savior complex instead, also I just really love the idea of modern!JD being a hacker and mostly just using it to mess with people until he needs to do something like this.


	7. Not Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going through some stressful stuff so I could really use some encouragement, if you have the time and inclination to comment, I would really appreciate it. Thank you, Enjoy!
> 
> Also, fair warning, this chapter contains a lot of smut.

As it turned out, hacking into a mental health facility for the criminally insane was extremely difficult. It took him almost an hour to get through their security, and then he had to dig through endless patient files to find anything on Paul.

“Hah!” Veronica jumped, staring at him. “Sorry, I think I found something with his name on it.” He opened the file and scanned the paper.

“Well?” Veronica said, “What is it?”

“It’s a transfer notice.” He stared at the document, reading it over and over. It didn’t make any more sense the fifth time through than it had the first.

“A transfer? To where? And why?”

JD shrugged. He was at a loss for words. “Look,” He pointed to a line on the paper, “It just says that he was transferred out a little over a week ago because he was being relocated. It doesn’t say why, or even where he was going.” JD was tempted to call them again to complain about their vague paperwork.

“But, they can’t have just let him go, he was being relocated, but somehow he didn’t make it to the other place? Wouldn’t everyone be talking about his escape?”

JD read through the document again. “Unless… Maybe it’s fake. He was never supposed to be relocated at all and he made the whole thing up as part of an escape plan.”

“We know he’s good with computers,” Veronica added, “He could have faked the document and put it in the system somehow.”

JD nodded slowly, “But he would need an accomplice. He wouldn’t have had access to a computer in there, so someone else would have had to create the document and enter it into the system. They would also have had to be there to pick him up from wherever he was supposed to be going.”

“Paul said he didn’t have any friends though, so who would possible want to help him?” Veronica asked. JD didn’t have an answer for her. He couldn’t imagine wanting to help someone like Paul.

They fell silent, lost in thought about how Paul could have pulled it off. Finally, Veronica broke it.

“This is really happening, isn’t it?” He nodded. She wrapped her hand around her burned wrist and squeezed, crying out a little before biting her lip.

“Veronica! Stop!” He pulled grabbed her hands and held them apart. He didn’t know what to do, his instinct was to hurt whatever was hurting her but when _she_ was hurting _herself_ he didn’t know how to cope.

He lifted her injured wrist and pressed a soft kiss to the inflamed skin. He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb, if nothing else he wanted to keep her calm.

“Why did you do that?”

“I guess I was hoping I would wake up.”

JD sighed, “V, I know this feels like a nightmare, but it’s real. I’m scared too.”

“I don’t want to be scared anymore. I thought it was finally over. I thought we were free, and he took that away.” She sounded sad but there was an edge of anger to it. “I’m so sick of people trying to ruin my life!”

“Veronica, he can’t ruin your life. You have so much going—“

Veronica cut him off, “JD, He’s already ruining my life. Because of him, I had to drop out of school, my parents locked me in my house, and I had to run away. What else will he take from me?” She stared hard at him, as if hoping he would tell her.

JD said nothing. He would let her yell and rant all she wanted, and he would be here when she was done.

He was shocked when she kissed him. It definitely wasn’t where he thought their conversation was going.

He pulled back a little to ask her what she was doing, but she cut him off, “He’s out there, he’s probably planning something, and honestly I just don’t want to deal with any of it right now. I don’t want to be a hero. I just want to exist in a world where I don’t have to care about him. Can we do what we always used to do? Let’s lock the world out there, so that it can be beautiful in here.”

“That works for me.”

She put her hands on his shoulders and straddled his lap. Her hands snaked around his neck and wound into his hair, pulling his head back. He groaned and dragged her down for a searing kiss. He slid his hands under her shirt to stroke the soft skin of her back. He scratched her lightly and she ground into him, tilting her head to kiss his jaw.

He had no delusions about who was in control right now, he would have done absolutely anything for her, and she knew that. She pushed his shoulders back so he was leaning against the bed and she removed her shirt slowly enough to drive him mad. He watcher her, devouring her with his eyes before she lifted one of his hands and placed it on her breast. Taking this as permission, he kneaded it roughly and bent his head to scrape his teeth over the sensitive skin of her neck.

She let out a moan and circled her hips again. The jeans he’d slept in were starting to feel very uncomfortable. He let her go to try and relieve some of the pressure, but she swatted his hand away. Veronica pulled his shirt off first, then undid his fly. That helped a little. He removed the gorgeous, lacey blue bra she was wearing, wishing he had stopped to admire her in it earlier. Right now, he had an urgent need to taste her skin and hear the sounds she made when he touched her in exactly the right way.

He sucked one of her nipples into his mouth, scraping his teeth across it lightly, which earned him a low moan. She tangled her hands in his hair, holding his head in place. His tongue flicked out to tease the sensitive peak while his hand played with her other breast. It wasn’t enough.

He lifted her off him easily, standing so he could remove his jeans while she shimmied out of her leggings. She was bare before him, and just like every time, he was stunned silent at the sight of her.

“Beautiful,” He murmured, pressing his face into the curve of her neck so he could breath her scent.

She hummed appreciatively and pushed him back down to his knees so she could straddle him again. Seizing one of his hands, she brought it down to where she needed him most. She was hot and wet and ready for him, but he wanted to take his time. She wouldn’t let him do this for long, and he wanted to savor every second.

He slid one finger inside her, testing her reaction. Her hips bucked forward and her head tilted back as she let out a soft, involuntary moan. He slid another finger inside her and bent them, brushing against what he knew to be her favorite spot. She put her hand on his wrist and held it there, taking control. She sighed and moaned as she used him to finish herself.

He felt her muscles clench and flutter around his fingers as she came. Watching her come apart was unbelievably arousing and he wasn’t even sure she was finished with her climax when he pulled his fingers out of her.

“Veronica, can I—“ He could barely think, much less get out coherent speech, but she understood him.

She didn’t speak, instead she chose to kiss him hard, biting his lips and pulling his hair as she tilted her hips so he could line himself up with her entrance. She sank onto him slowly and for a brief moment he forgot how to breathe. He gripped her hips just a little too hard and started to move inside her. He could feel the aftershocks of her climax every time he pushed into her and they intensified the experience tenfold. He lost all trace of the world, because his entire universe was centered in her dark eyes and her sweat-slicked skin.

She pushed him down hard, so he was lying on his back while she rode him. Somewhere in the hazy part of his brain that was still working, he was glad they were on the floor because he didn’t think his cheaply made dorm bed could handle her enthusiasm.

His hands travelled from her hips up and down her back, sliding all the way down so he could grip her thighs. When he grabbed her ass and tilted her a little, she cried out in pleasure and increased her already manic pace. He wasn’t going to last long.

He vaguely heard himself muttering words, some of them desperate pleas, but mostly it’s her name whispered in reverence again and again. He wound his hands into her hair and pulled her down, interrupting her rhythm and earning him a loud moan.

It was that noise, and her pleasure, that pushed him over the edge. He came hard, and felt as she tumbled down with him. Their fear and desperation and lust came together to create an intense cascade of emotions. Even after it was over, he was left gasping and clinging to her and she held him with the same need.

They stayed like that for a while. JD didn’t know exactly how long they were lying there comforting each other, but he was certain the whole world could have crumbled around them and they wouldn’t have moved.

She whimpered a little when he pulled out of her and shifted so she was laying on him more comfortably. He brushed his fingers through her hair and she nuzzled his chest. They both had a lot of jagged edges, but moments like these proved how well they fit together and he was unwilling to snap that connection.

Veronica pulled away first, propping herself up so she could push his hair out of his eyes. She brushed her fingers across the scar on his eyebrow and leaned down to kiss it.

“I worship you,” He murmured.

For once, she didn’t make a joke about the overly intense things he said. Instead, she whispered, “You’re mine.”

He nodded in agreement, “I’m yours.” He made no claim that she was his. He could no more wrap his arms around a hurricane than declare ownership of her. “We’re meant to be just like this.” He wanted to add ‘forever’ but refrained. He never wanted to pressure her into a promise she didn’t want to keep.

She pressed her lips against his and he settled his hand on the back of her neck to deepen the kiss. Before they got carried away, he sat up, lifting her with him. Sweeping her legs up so she was cradled against his chest, he carried her the couple steps to the bed. They settled back into the same position, now significantly more comfortable.

For a while they just kissed and touched each other, though inevitably it began to build into something more. He was reaching between them to see if she was ready for more, when there was a loud, insistent knock on the door.

“Fuck,” JD muttered under his breath. He climbed out of his bed and pulled his jeans on, tossing his shirt to Veronica. Once she was covered he opened the door.

Mac was standing in the hall, looking much better than the last time he’d seen her. She was carrying two cups of coffee and a slushie. She looked him up and down, raising one eyebrow, “I hate to interrupt your reunion, but I think we need to talk. Martha is on her way.”

Veronica joined him at the door once she’d pulled her leggings back on. She took one of the coffees while JD claimed the slushie. The ensuing brain freeze was comforting. Though he didn’t miss the apathy that had been his primary way of relating to the world, it was nice to let himself be numb again sometimes.

When Martha arrived the meeting got started for real. It was still too early to call Heather, so it was just the four of them.

Martha was trying to be brave, but JD could hear her anxiety when she said, “So, did you find out anything?”

JD looked at Veronica. She nodded so he explained, “Yeah. It looks like he was transferred somewhere, but I think it was faked because it doesn’t look like there was anywhere he was supposed to be going.”

He paused, and Mac interrupted, “So he’s out? He could be here?”

Veronica nodded, “We know he was in Chicago, but he’s been out for a couple weeks, so he could have gone anywhere, he chose to stay pretty close.”

Martha raised her hand like they were in class, “Maybe he just went to Chicago because it was a major city. It’s easy to disappear in a city. Maybe he wasn’t looking for you, Veronica.” She sounded so hopeful, and JD was tempted to believe her.

“I think we should assume he wants something from us.” Veronica stated, “He wasn’t just in the city, he was on the university campus. I think he was definitely looking for me, but I don’t know why.”

JD took a deep breath and forced himself to face the facts, “If he was looking for Veronica, odds are he’s looking for all of us. We need to be ready for him.”


	8. New Members

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super special thanks to MyriadIdeas, your comment made me so happy, so this chapter is dedicated to you! This is my favorite chapter I've written so far because I just LOVE trying to capture the dynamic between the five of them. Their banter makes me happy, and I hope it makes you happy too. Enjoy!

‘Ugh, fuck me!” Heather groaned from the computer, “I thought we were going to be done with all this!” JD knew that Heather’s anger was a front for a very real fear, but he didn’t call her on it. Let her yell if it made her feel better.

“How did you even figure out that he escaped?” She asked.

“I uh, did a thing… and you shouldn’t know about the thing in case the police come to ask you about the thing.” He wanted to keep it vague to protect them as much as he could.

“Ohmigod! You hacked into a secure facility, didn’t you?” Heather said immediately. JD nodded awkwardly. “Where the hell did you learn how to do that?”

“I…” He hesitated, not really sure he wanted to get into this chapter of his life, “I occasionally had to make small changes to my transcripts when we moved. I haven’t really done anything with since I got more into programming.” He skipped over the couple of years he had spent using his skills to get revenge on people who were bullying in school. Mostly it was small things, deleting social media accounts, changing test grades. He had been considering employing these tactics against Heather Chandler last year, before he found out she’d been killed.

Everything with Paul had calmed his vengeful side somewhat.

“You taught yourself how to hack into secure networks?” Heather nodded appreciatively, “I sometimes forget how smart you are.”

“Wow Heather, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” He gave her a small smile. He didn’t really think being self-taught gave him any advantages, and sometimes he wished he didn’t know how to do this. Being able to ruin someone’s life with a couple hours and a wifi connection was a mixed blessing.

“Guys, I know my boyfriend is awesome but can we focus on the problem at hand?” Veronica called their attention.

“Let’s kill him.” Mac suggested in a surprisingly scary chipper tone. They were all taking the news in different ways, but Mac seemed to have lost it a little bit.

Martha was nervous about Paul and horrified by Mac’s turn to the terrifying. “We can’t kill him! That’s horrible.” She wrung her hands and looked at Veronica to say something.

Secretly, JD almost agreed with Mac. He didn’t think they should hunt him down, but if Paul showed up here and tried to hurt any of his friends, JD didn’t think he would hesitate if given the opportunity to get rid of him for good.

Veronica cut in, “We need to think about this logically—“

“Why?” Heather interrupted, “Paul doesn’t think logically, that’s why he was in that mental hospital in the first place. He literally doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong.”

“Okay, maybe not logically,” Veronica amended, “But we need to think about this like Paul. He was all about hurting the people who hurt him. So, who would he go after? Who hurt him?”

“Well…” Martha said, “JD shot him…”

“No I didn’t!” JD insisted, as he had been ever the police had first asked him to explain what happened in the boiler room. “He shot himself. I don’t know if he knew where the gun was pointing, but I definitely wasn’t the one to pull the trigger.” He didn’t think anyone had ever really believed that part of the story, but it was important to him. He had never shot anyone, and unless the circumstances were really extreme, he didn’t plan to.

“Okay, well, I got a little bit famous after what he did, while he was mostly forgotten. Maybe that’s what bothers him, that his message never really got out there?” Veronica suggested.

“His message of total societal destruction and other general craziness? Why should that have gotten out there?” Heather said, “He was a loser who wanted to be a somebody by killing everyone. Somehow I doubt he’s changed that much.”

“Maybe it’s Heather he really wants?” Martha suggested, “During the trial he said that before he decided to blow up the school, she was going to be next.”

“There’s no way he could get all the way to California without getting caught.” Veronica said, and she was probably right. Paul wouldn’t have a driver’s license or any way to get a car or plane ticket; even a bus would probably want to see ID.

“So he’s coming here?” Martha’s voice shook. “Now that Veronica is back he has almost all of us.”

“He doesn’t have any of us,” Veronica said calmly, “If we’re together, he should be scared. We stopped him last time and we weren’t even friends, think of how strong we are now. Congratulations, Paul. You played yourself.”

It was the first time JD had ever been legitimately inspired by someone quoting a meme.

He put an arm around Veronica’s shoulders. He was so proud of her. Despite her panic last night, she had pulled herself together remarkably well. He had always thought that Veronica was the strongest out of all of them. No matter what happened to her, she always found a way to fix herself, and she was brave enough to lend her strength to others. Sometimes, he couldn’t believe how much he loved her.

“I’m so proud of you,” He murmured into her ear. She smiled at him.

“We’ll pull through this.” She replied and turned her head to kiss him.

“Ugh, stop it you two!” Heather shouted.

JD glared at her, “Heather there is no need to be rude.”

“Honestly JD, I would think that you’d have figured it out by now; I’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual.”

“Well you’ve definitely never been either of those things so good fucking job I guess.” He shot back.

They all turned when they heard a knock on his door. Evan opened it a crack and peered in. “Hey, uh, do you have time to talk?” He asked timidly.

“Evan,” JD explained, “now’s not really a great time, we’re kind of trying to figure out a plan to catch a crazy guy who tried kill our entire high school last year-“

Evan’s shoulders slumped, “You don’t have to make up crazy excuses, you can just say you don’t want to hang out.” He turned to go.

Heather stopped him, “Wait! Sad kid, come back. We’re adopting you.”

“What?” Evan was comically confused, but JD was smiling. Heather was actually a very nice person at her core; she just sometimes didn’t want to show it.

Veronica smiled too, “I’m Veronica, this is Heather, Mac, and Martha. We call ourselves the HoW. And what JD said was true. Last year we all saved a school full of people from this one kid who had kind of lost his mind.”

Evan quirked his head, “I recognize you! You did all those youtube videos and news interviews about bullying and mental health!” He smiled, “I love those!”

Veronica’s smile shifted into one JD recognized from all the times he’d seen her meet fans. “Thanks, it’s really nice to meet people who care about what I was saying. Come sit down, we’ll fill you in on everything.”

 

It took a long time to tell the whole story. JD was surprised at how well Evan took it though. He had heard of Westerburg because the story had been on literally every single news station for weeks, but he hadn’t known much about the students who had been responsible for saving the people in the building. He also hadn’t really known anything about Paul. Evan calmly held Slushie and listed to the story, only interrupting when he needed to clarify something.

He was also pretty amazingly accepting of the wide range of mental illnesses that their group represented. Between Heather’s struggle with eating disorders, Mac’s suicidal ideations, and Veronica and JD’s post traumatic stress disorder, they covered most of a psychologist’s diagnostic manual. Evan nodded understandingly and explained about his social anxiety.

“Are we stressing you out?” Martha asked gently, “We can be a little much for some people.”

Evan shook his head, “It’s nice. It’s almost like being a part of something.”

Heather rolled her eyes, “You are a part of something. I told you, we’re adopting you.”

Evan opened his mouth to respond but JD stopped him, “Don’t argue with her. She does this. With me, she almost literally adopted me, I lived with her for almost a year and she’s trying to talk me into changing my name.”

“Jason Duke is an awesome name and you could keep your stupid nickname!”

“I’m not changing my name. You just want this for the irony of Chinese parents adopting a white boy.”

Veronica laughed, having heard this exchange a few times before, “Quit it, guys.” She leaned over to Evan and whispered conspiratorially, “They actually really like each other but they pretend to fight because they both represent what the other hates the most.”

            “Evan really fits in because he’s already color coded,” JD pointed out, “I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen you in a shirt that wasn’t blue.”

            Veronica sighed with fake melodrama, “I guess I can share my color,” Then she explained how they’d come to be color coded in the first place, “Heather Chandler, the girl who died, was a little bit obsessive about what her friends wore so she made us pick a color to wear pretty much at all times. Heather was green, Mac was yellow, and I got blue. After she was gone, it was a habit, and most of our clothes just are that color so it stuck. The HoW just kind of adopted the habit. Martha is pink and sometimes purple, and JD is black.” Evan nodded.

Heather chimed in, “Some of us have branched out a little, I even wear red sometimes!”

“Heather’s ghost is going to haunt you!” Mac said as she gently lifted Slushie from Evan’s hands so she could cuddle him for a bit.

            Their talk fell into easy, normal patterns. Evan fit into the fold of their friendship easily. Martha was paying only half her attention to the conversation as she was sketching something. Veronica was also a little checked out because she was playing with the camera her parents had gotten her for graduation.

            When Mac said something that made everyone laugh, Veronica lifted the camera and took a picture. “It’ll be perfect once I fix it up a little bit,” She enthused. Her photography had gotten even better after she had taken some classes that summer.

            Martha held up her drawing for appraisal. She was back to her usual pencils, and she had drawn Evan holding Slushie. “I figured you needed one of my pieces now that you’re one of us. We all have at least a couple. JD has about a million because I draw Veronica so much.”

            JD ducked his head to hide his embarrassment. His room was fairly full of Martha’s art, and Veronica featured heavily in nearly all of them.

            “Anyway,” Martha continued, “I’ll finish the background and add some detail to the clothes, then I’ll get it back to you. I typically do a fantasy type thing, I hope that’s okay.”

            Evan nodded but didn’t say anything. JD noticed that he looked like he might be trying not to cry. JD didn’t mention it. He understood how overwhelming it could be to be welcomed if you aren’t used to it.

“Okay,” Martha said, setting aside her sketchbook, “It’s time for the traditional HoW initiation!”

            “The what?” JD said, and the others echoed his confusion.

            Martha smiled at them as if it were obvious, “Sleepover questions!”

            Though there were many groans, they ended up playing. It was hard to disappoint Martha, and Evan wasn’t against it so there wasn’t really a good reason not to play. And Martha did have a point about it being a tradition. Martha, Veronica, and JD had played it the first time he’d met Martha—the day they found out Heather Chandler had died. The whole group had played for the first time on the night JD and Veronica were released from the hospital after Westerburg blew up. None of them could sleep as the reality of what they’d done set in. Martha had started the game and they had all eventually joined.

            “Okay, first one. Oh gosh, I don’t even think I should ask this, have you ever had sex in any of your friends’ homes?”

JD shared a guilty look with Veronica, and Heather shouted, “Stop right there, I do not want to know!” They laughed awkwardly and moved on.

“Alright,” Martha said, “This one is better, if you had unlimited money, but only two days to live, what would you do?”

“That’s the stupidest fucking question I’ve ever heard,” JD muttered to Veronica, who laughed.

“I’ll go first,” Heather said, “I would want to use the money to save myself from whatever is going to kill me in two days.”

“I think I would want to throw a total rager. We’d all be too drunk or stoned to give a shit when we died.” Mac said.

“I don’t know,” Martha added, “I think I would want to just sit somewhere quiet, with someone special watching the world go by.”

Evan nodded, “I think I’d want the same thing. I just wouldn’t want to be alone.”

They all fell silent at that.

Thankfully, Heather didn’t think much of sentimentality, “And beauty and the creep would probably go fuck behind a 7/11 while the world burns.”

“Aw, you think I’m beautiful?” Veronica joked, shattering what little tension was left after Heather’s comment.

            “Okay, what’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done while drunk?” Martha asked.

Heather, Mac, and Veronica all groaned in unison. JD leaned in towards Evan to whisper, “This’ll be good.”

            “Fine!” Veronica grumbled, “I’ll start. I vomited on Heather Chandler, then told her to ‘Lick it up’. Actually, most of that night was pretty embarrassing.”

            JD raised his eyebrows and looked at her, “Okay, well not _that_ part,” She amended. He smirked, earning him a light smack on the arm.

“Honestly Ronnie, I don’t even think you should be embarrassed by that,” Heather said, “It was pretty fucking amazing.”

            “Yeah, I was completely wasted, and I’ll still never forget the look on her face,” Mac added.

            “Okay, I went, what about you?” Veronica pointed at Heather’s screen.

            “At my first Remington party with Heather, I got super drunk and this guy was hitting on me and I wasn’t into it. For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to tell him I’d been in prison to make him leave me alone. It worked, but Heather never let me forget it.” JD had to laugh at Heather’s story, it just wasn’t like her at all. It kind of made him want to get drunk with her, just to see what would happen.

            “I always embarrass myself when I get drunk,” Mac said, “Usually I just dance like a crazy person, but sometimes I pronounce random words really weirdly.”

            Veronica started laughing manically, “At Ram’s homecoming party, you kept saying ‘PeenYAHta’ it was hilarious.”

            Mac rolled her eyes, “Okay, JD, your turn.”

He shrugged, “I haven’t been drunk very often. I got drunk last night, and ended up punching a guy, but I’m not really embarrassed about it.”

            “Wait, I heard about that,” Evan interjected, “You should be careful, that guy is really pissed about it. He was walking around today asking if anyone knew the ‘Scarface guy in the trench coat’.”

            “Good job, dear,” Veronica said to JD, “You’ve been in college for three weeks and already you’re making enemies.” She didn’t look particularly amused.

            “V, I really don’t think I have to worry about that guy. And anyway—“ He stopped abruptly when there was a knock on the door.

            He looked around, “Everyone I know is in this room.” He went to the door, and was surprised and confused when he recognized the man standing there.

            “Um, hi, principal Gowan…”


	9. Always Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I'm going to start dedicating chapters to commenters because it's the best way I can think to thank the wonderful people who are building me up so much and making all this worth it! This one goes to poor_richards because your comments made me smile a lot, and also to BayleyWinchester because you read all of my stuff and took the time to comment on them, even the ones that aren't as good. Thank you both enormously for making my day better! So the plot finally starts to catch up with the group in this chapter, but things will really start coming together in the next one. Enjoy!

His fucking high school principal was in his dorm. Nothing was real anymore. This had to be some kind of very strange, detailed nightmare.

            “Well, look at that! All the Heroes of Westerburg hanging out and chilling together!” His robust voice sounded forced and his smile was too wide to be real.

            JD didn’t point out that they were missing a member, as Heather had hung up as soon as she’d heard him say ‘Principal Gowan’. He also didn’t even notice that Evan wasn’t one of his former students. They were all too uncomfortable to address these things.

            Thankfully, Veronica took the lead, “Hello sir, how are you?”

            “I’m very well, Veronica, very well. I was dropping in to see Mr. Dean because I had something I wanted to discuss with him. I’m glad I got all of you though, that saves me a trip!” Yep, he wanted something. JD groaned internally and discreetly rolled his eyes at Veronica.

            “What was it you wanted to talk about?” JD asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

            “The grand reopening of the new and improved Westerburg High!” He swept his arms out as if presenting the building to them. “We’re making something of a show of it, there will be a reception to honor some of our donors and notable alumni, and a ribbon cutting before the students go in for the first time. I and the rest of the board would really like for you all to be there.”

            They all exchanged nervous glances. JD thought it was obvious that none of them really wanted to smile and wave for the Gowan’s latest publicity stunt, but he didn’t really feel that they were being asked. He made eye contact with Veronica and nodded. She returned the gesture.

            “If you’d like us to be there, we’ll come. Westerburg was an extremely important chapter of our lives, we won’t turn our back on it.” Her voice was steady and confident, but JD knew her well enough to detect the fear that hid behind her assurance.

            Gowan made small talk for a couple more minutes and promised to send them all the details about the reception. They all visibly relaxed when he left.

            “Asshole,” JD muttered.

            “You’re right, but I think we need to talk about the more pressing issue. Paul.” Their good mood from earlier evaporated as reality came crashing back to them. JD shivered a little bit as the weight of Veronica’s implication settled on his shoulders.

            “You think he’s going to try something at the new school?” JD said, already knowing the answer.

            “Probably. Call Heather so we can keep her in the loop.” JD grabbed his computer and did as he was told.

            “What the hell did Gowan want?” She asked without preamble.

            JD watched her grow more shocked, confused, and angry as they explained what he wanted from them. He braced himself for a full on tantrum when they were done, but instead Heather fell silent.

            “What the fuck is wrong with that man?” She finally said, “Did he even think that maybe we don’t want to go back? UGH! I could fucking kill him, I swear.”

            “He just wants a few pictures for the paper, it’s not that big of a deal, or it wouldn’t be if Paul was still locked up,” Veronica said with surprising calm.        

            Martha had started crying, and Evan shyly put his arm around her. Despite his awkwardness, Martha leaned into him and let herself be comforted.

            Mac was crying too, “I don’t want to go back if we’re going to get blown up!”

            Veronica hugged Mac, “We aren’t going to get blown up. And no one has to go back if they don’t want to. I think Paul will try to be at that reception so I’m going to be there, but none of you are obligated to follow me,” She looked at JD, “None of you.”

            Her gazed back into her dark eyes, “I go where you go.” _I would die to keep you safe_. He didn’t say it out loud because he knew she would hate it. She had made her thoughts on his self-sacrificing tendencies very clear last year.

            “You don’t have to decide now,” Veronica continued, “We have a couple weeks to figure things out. It’s going to be okay.” JD couldn’t help but wonder if she was trying to convince herself.

            No one committed to going with them, which JD understood. He was equal parts disappointed and relieved. If no one else went with them, he could focus on keeping Veronica safe, but last time they had only succeeded because everyone had helped.

            Any normalcy they had developed since they’d arrived had evaporated, so everyone filed out the door and went home. JD and Veronica sat in silence, staring at the door that had closed behind their friends.

            “I can’t believe this is my life. I thought college was going to be French cafes and alternative music concerts; instead it’s psychos and bomb threats. God, will high school never end?” Veronica groaned and buried her head in her hands.

            “V, this will end eventually—“ He didn’t really know how to finish that sentence. When would it end? When they were dead? He sighed, his mind spinning in unpleasant circles as he thought about what the next few weeks would hold.

            Veronica seemed to be in the same place. She was pacing, but the small room only allowed a couple steps in each direction.

            “Let’s get out of here,” He said, grabbing his keys and the bike helmets, he held one out to Veronica.

            “What? Where are we going?”

            “Away. Just for a little bit. We’ve been in this room all day, we need to get out of here.” He held the helmet out to her.

            She turned it over in her hands, chewing on her lip. Finally, she looked up and nodded, “Okay. Let’s go.”

            He smiled and grabbed her hand.

            For a while they just rode around aimlessly, feeling the wind on their faces. He was pleased to hear her laugh a few times. They stopped in a field to watch the sun set. They lay there quietly long after it was over to watch the sky go dark enough to see stars. It was good to have a peaceful moment after so much panic.

            He wrapped his arms around her when she started to shiver, and Veronica nestled into his chest. JD kissed the top of her head and lingered for a minute, savoring the smell of her hair. As horrible as the circumstances were, he was glad to have her with him. Things always seemed better for him when she was around.

            “I love you,” He whispered into her hair.

            She turned her head and kissed his neck, then shifted up so she could reach his jaw. JD suppressed a moan and stretched to give her better access. She focused on the places she knew he was most sensitive, scraping her teeth across his taught skin. A shiver ran through his body and he felt himself begin to harden.

            He wrapped one hand around the back of her neck and pulled her up so her lips met his. His other hand twined into her hair so he could keep her close. She matched his enthusiasm, her hands slid under his shirt and she brushed her hands teasingly across his chest, leaving trails of fire in their wake.

            “Veronica…” He breathed against her mouth.

            “Mhmm?” She hummed in response, nuzzling his neck.

            He tried to collect his thoughts, but she was still touching him and they scattered like dry leaves in strong wind. Whatever he was thinking about refused to be made into words so he let it drop.

            He kissed her again and her hands dropped to his hips. She started to undo his belt. He slid his hands down and put them under the waistband of her pants. He palmed the warm, soft flesh of her ass and felt her wriggle into his touch. Once she had undone his fly, she tugged his jeans down and lowered her head. His heart was pounding as he watched her put her head over his erection. Her dark brown eyes met him as her tongue slipped out to slide across him.     

            He groaned her name, hands clenching into fists at his sides. Without lifting her head, she reached out, took one of his hands, and placed it on her head. He understood the trust she was placing in him.

            Having her mouth on him like this was the most exquisite torture he had ever experienced. He knew he wouldn’t last long if she kept this up. He pulled her up so he could kiss her, and he used her distraction to flip them. He hovered over her and drank in the sight of Veronica’s flushed skin, bright eyes, and wild hair.

            She tilted her head, “JD, what are you doing?”

            He smirked, “Returning the favor.”

            He slid her pants off, taking her underwear with them. JD ran his hands up and down her pale, soft thighs, then bent his head to trail kisses along the path his hands had traced. He could hear her breath catch as he got closer to her center. When he flicked his tongue over her clit, she tangled her hands into his hair and wrapped one leg around him. Her heel digging into his back urged him on, and he was only too happy to oblige.

            He used his hands to play with her still-clothed breasts as her gasps and moans increased in pitch and tempo. He swirled his tongue around her clit and felt her fingernails dig into his scalp. The pain didn’t bother him, in fact, it made him hum in pleasure and she twitched from the vibration. He kept his mouth on her and reveled in the knowledge that he could do this to her.

            Watching Veronica Sawyer climax was the most incredible thing he had ever experienced. Every time there was something she did that changed it and made him feel that he was witnessing it for the first time. It was like watching a meteor shower, except one that he could hear and feel and taste. She was left gasping as she came down from the high. He stroked her hair and waited for her to catch her breath. He was aching for her to touch him again, but he wasn’t sure if she would want to continue after that.

            He underestimated her.

            She was kissing him again, and before he’d even really registered the change she was pulling her shirt off. Her pale skin glowed in the moonlight and she looked like a wild creature from folklore, the kind that stole men’s souls and left them mad. He didn’t care if she was, he would happily trade his soul for more of her touch.

            She didn’t disappoint. She gripped his shoulders and pulled him down so he hovered over her. He kissed her breasts and ran his tongue over her peaked nipples. She didn’t have any patience for his stalling. With her legs wrapped around his waist, she lined him up with her entrance and he sank into her.

            She was perfect in every possible way and their bodies fit together as if they were meant to be this way. She used her legs to control the pace. She liked to be in charge. The rhythm she set was frenzied and rough, but clearly she wasn’t in pain. He gave himself over to the sensation of being inside her.

            She came hard for a second time, and the sight of it sent him tumbling over the edge with her. He barely caught himself before collapsing on top of her. He shifted slightly to the side so she wouldn’t have to bear his full weight, but he could still be pressed against her. Any separation at all would be too much for him right now.

            He drifted off with his head resting on her chest and her fingers in his hair. The sound of her heartbeat and the steady rise and fall of her breasts under his cheek were comforting and he wished he could live in that moment forever. Unfortunately, it was late at night, and they were outside, so it was probably best to go home. At least she would be staying with him all night. He didn’t think he could bear to let her go.

            She seemed to feel the same way because she clung to his hand as they walked back to the bike, and her grip as they were riding home was tighter than necessary. The campus was silent when they pulled up in front of his dorm. JD helped her off his bike and they walked hand in hand up the stairs to his room.

            She pulled on one of his t-shirts and he changed into a pair of sweatpants and they climbed into his too small bed together.

Veronica rolled over to face him, “JD?”

“Yeah, V?”

“I think I get it now.”

He was a little too sleepy to follow her, so he had to ask what she meant.

“Our love is God. I think I understand what it means. We’re both messed up and broken and people think that makes us weak, but there’s something powerful about us together. Our love is… powerful, beautiful, maybe even dangerous. But it’s ours.”

He smiled softly and kissed her forehead, “Our love is God.”


	10. His Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes out to KateTGP, you've commented on nearly all of my works which just makes me so happy, and also a big thank you to EvieTheEevee because your enthusiasm inspired me to get this done earlier than I was planning to! Enjoy!

The next morning, JD had to wake up early for class. Veronica murmured sleepily at him, but didn’t wake up. He left a note just in case, but he doubted she would wake up before he got back.

            He didn’t want to leave her, especially as she looked so peaceful right now, but he really didn’t want to make a habit of skipping class, and he suspected he might be doing more of that now that she was here.

        He bumped into Evan in the hallway, also on his way to class.

        “Hey, uh can I ask you something?” Evan said tentatively.

        “Yeah, sure.” JD supposed it was only natural for him to have questions after everything he had learned yesterday.

            “Your friend Martha, is she, um, seeing anyone?” Of all the questions Evan could have asked, this was not the one JD was expecting.

            Still, he smiled. Martha hadn’t had very good luck with crushes in the past. Ram had been her ‘one true love’ for years before he died, then the guy Martha went to winter formal with had come out of the closet shortly after. It was ironic, in a tragic way.

            In any case, Evan was a nice guy, and JD thought it would probably be good for him to have a tangible connection to the group.

He shook his head, “No, she isn’t,” JD smiled wickedly, “Why, do you like her?” Evan tried to stammer out some sort of explanation, but JD held up a hand, “It’s okay if you do, I’m just teasing.”

Evan gave a small, hesitant smile, “I got coffee with her yesterday after we left your room. She was nice…” He trailed off with a shrug. “And I like her drawings,” He added.

They had to part ways after that, as they were going to different buildings, but JD left the conversation feeling hopeful. It would be good for Martha to have a relationship work out for a change.

Class was felt much longer than it was. It was hard to focus on a lecture when you kept wondering if the guy sitting three rows in front of you might be the guy that’s trying to kill you and your friends. At the end of the class, he stood up and JD saw that he wasn’t Paul, but still. It was a stressful hour. JD was also pretty sure he had gotten most of that information from the reading anyway, so he wasn’t sure what the point of the lecture actually was.

He brought Veronica coffee, and her face actually lit up when she saw it. He let her get about halfway through it before he tried talking to her.

“How are you feeling?”

She smiled, “That was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in weeks. Thanks, JD.”

“Oh, _any time_ ” He said, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. She rolled her eyes and kissed him. He sank into it wrapping his arms around her small frame and burying his hands in her hair.

God she was tempting, but he knew they had important things to do. The other group members were counting on them.

“Do you have your laptop?” He asked her. She nodded and reached through her bag to retrieve it. “Okay, can you see what you can find about the new high school? The more we know the better prepared we can be.”

“Okay, what are you going to do?”

He looked at his hands, feeling guilty, “I’m going to hack into St. Elizabeth’s to see if I can access his patient files. I want to read his session notes if there are any.”

Veronica nodded, “We need to know what his mental state is like. I know it feels wrong but it’s the only way.”

He agreed with her, but he couldn’t overlook how violating it was to read someone’s therapist’s notes. But Veronica was right, they needed to be able to get inside Paul’s head, and the notes were the only way to do that.

Getting through the facility’s firewall was easier the second time, but he still had to dig through a lot of useless files to find what he needed.

He was still in the process of doing that when Veronica spoke up, “Okay I have some stuff on the new school.”

He peeled his attention away from the lines of code on his screen and turned to her, “What do you have?”

“Well, it looks like the big focus was safety. The architect wanted it to be so secure in case the same thing happened again. The whole school is automated, and all the doors can be shut and locked with the press of a button. All the staff-only spaces—like the boiler room—have special keycards that you have to scan. I actually think it’s a lot safer than Westerburg used to be.”

JD nodded absently, “That’s good, but we know he’s good with computers, making it more high tech may not make it safer from Paul. It’s a good start though.”

She agreed with him and went back to her research. He continued to dig through the endless list of files for something useful. Finally, he found it. He downloaded the contents of Paul’s file to his computer and closed all the digital doors that had gotten him to it, leaving no trace that he had ever seen it.

He stared at the icon on his desktop. Could he really do this?

Did he really want to look inside Paul’s mind like this?

Looking at Veronica convinced him. He had promised to keep her safe, and this would help with that. Unsettling as it was, this invasion was necessary. He clicked the icon and found dozens of audio files, neatly labeled with the time and date they had been recorded.

“Veronica, you may want to leave,” She looked at him curiously, “It’s all recordings from his sessions, you’ll have to listen to him talk about what he did…” He trailed off, he knew he had to do this, but he could spare her.

She set her jaw, “I won’t let you do this alone.”

He didn’t argue because he was relieved; this would be a lot easier to face with her at his side. He selected the first file and hit play.

_“It was always about making the school a better place.”_

Paul’s voice came through his speakers and sent chills down JD’s spine. Veronica came to sit next to him and held his hand.

_“ A decent place for people who are decent, that’s all I wanted. And it was an accident at first. I didn’t mean to kill Heather Chandler, not really. I wanted her to learn a lesson.”_

The therapist spoke next, her smooth clinical voice cutting through Paul’s practiced-sounding speech. JD recognized a lot of what he was saying from the trial.

_“Why? Did she do something to you?”_

_“Yes. She did things to everyone. On that Friday she called me names. She loved to insult people. She had a gift for knowing what made people weak and picking at it. It’s how she got so powerful at Westerburg. I just wanted to take her power away.”_

_“How did you plan to do that?”_

_“I wanted to get a video of her throwing up. I knew I could post it online and make her feel as bad as she’d made me feel. When I got to her house I found the drain cleaner and I knew it would make her sick.”_

_“Did you know it would kill her?”_

_“I thought she wouldn’t drink very much. I mean, it’s drain cleaner, how stupid do you have to be to not realize that you’re drinking powerful chemicals? When she downed the whole glass, I was surprised.”_

_“What did you do next, Paul?”_

_“Well, she was dead, and I had killed her. I didn’t want to go to prison so I decided to set it up like a suicide. I typed a note on her phone—something sappy that everyone would believe—and left it on her. On Monday I realized that I had really gotten away with it. I don’t think I ever would have started down that path if it weren’t for Heather. Killing her was so easy; I started thinking, why not? After that it was just about picking who to kill."_

JD stopped it before the next one started. He felt queasy and one look at Veronica told him she felt the same way. Though Paul’s words were pretty crazy, it was his tone that was the most disturbing part of the recordings. He sounded so _normal._ JD shivered and pulled Veronica closer to him. She kissed his cheek in encouragement and pressed play for him.

_“Tell me about the Heathers.”_

_“They were something else. Heather McNamara was the dumb one,”_

JD gritted his teeth, Mac wasn’t dumb, she just had different priorities.

_“She was a cheerleader and she pretended to be nice, but she couldn’t be nice if she was friends with the other two. Heather Duke was jealous of Chandler, and she was boring. She once took a bunch of screenshots of Veronica sexting Ram and sent them to basically everyone in school.”_

“Those were _fake!_ ” Veronica muttered furiously beside him.

_“And Heather Chandler was the very definition of a bitch. She ruined people’s lives for fun. No one ever wanted to touch her because if they did the wrong thing, she’d skin them alive in front of everyone. And there was Veronica,”_

JD stopped the recording, “V, you don’t have to listen to this. Go hang out at Mac’s for a bit while I finish it.”

“Stop trying to protect me, JD. I can handle whatever he says.” The spark in her eyes and the set of her shoulders told him not to argue, so he returned to the recording.

_“Tell me more about Veronica,”_

_“She was a photographer for the newspaper and the yearbook. No one even knew she existed until one day she showed up for lunch dressed like one of_ THEM. _She sat with the Heathers and suddenly she was the most popular girl in school. I could tell though, she wasn’t one of them. She didn’t really belong.”_

_“Did you have feelings for Veronica?”_

JD’s hands curled into fists. Beside him he heard Veronica’s breath catch. It had never occurred to them that Paul might have paid more attention to Veronica than she had to him. She put her head down and hid her face in his shoulder as the recording continued.

_“What does it matter? The only guy I ever saw her pay any attention to was that psycho new kid, but apparently she was sending sexy texts to Ram the whole time. She wasn’t what I thought she was.”_

_“Was that why you wanted to kill Ram? Because Veronica was texting him?”_

_“Stop asking about Veronica!”_

It was the first time he had raised his voice and JD and Veronica both jumped back, having been fully engrossed in what they were listening to. He reached to pause the video so they could catch their breath, but she stopped him.

“Let’s finish this.”

The recordings continued in the same vein. Paul described killing Kurt and Ram and staging it to make it look like a suicide. The two of them had picked on him, saying that ‘fags like him didn’t belong in church’. That had sealed their fates.

_“The irony of it is that their dads actually were gay, and their sons’ tragic suicide finally gave them the courage they needed to come out of the closet. It’s hard not to think that I really did some good when I killed Ram and Kurt.”_

The next tape was about Paul’s childhood. JD couldn’t help but notice some parallels. Paul’s father had vanished suddenly when he was ten—the same age JD was when his mother died—and his alcoholic mom had to work a lot to support them. Paul had grown up essentially alone and often ignored. As he’d gotten older, he had distanced himself from other people, eventually developing the mindset that he was better than all of them. Finally, he finally started talking about the plan to blow up Westerburg.

_“I was just going to kill Heather Duke at first, but she made me realize that someone else would just take her place, just like she took Heather Chandlers. I knew the only way to make it stop was to end it all. The only place different social types can get along is in Heaven, and if I did it— if I ended them all— society would finally change. I could finally get rid of all the evil fucks who make the world so impossible to live in and the whole world might benefit from it."_

Paul’s voice had taken on a manic quality they hadn’t yet heard, and he was talking so fast it was almost hard to understand him.

“ _What were you going to do? After the explosion?”_

_“After?”_

Paul laughed a little, but it was a sad sound.

_“There wasn’t going to be an after. I was going to die with the rest of them. I never wanted to survive the explosion.”_

_“Does it make you angry that you did?”_

_“Sometimes. If I had just died, none of this would have happened. Of course, it would have been best if everyone died with me, but as it is, I wish I hadn’t made it out. I could have been a martyr for my cause. The so-called Heroes of Westerburg stole all that—and more— from me. Nothing has changed and it’s all because of them! The slate must be cleaned!”_

JD slammed his hand down on the keyboard to pause the recording. They had heard all they needed to hear.

Veronica was trembling, so he pulled her closer to him, needing the comfort as much as she did. They didn’t say anything. There was nothing left to say.


	11. Free Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day!!! This one is dedicated to Emma979888 because you commented on the last chapter literally two minutes before I posted the next one, your comment made me smile and I'm so glad you like this series :)  
> This chapter features a LOT of fluff, but I promise I mixed in exactly enough plot so that it isn't a waste of time. Enjoy!

“Mac, I just don’t know if this is a good time to do this…” JD said as he went to check his mailbox, “I mean, I’m all for fun fall activities or whatever— especially when they involve food—but maybe we should be trying to keep a low profile.” He pulled a couple advertisements and a padded envelope from his box, tossing the junk, he stored the envelope in his coat pocket to open later.

Mac sighed, “I’m not letting that negativity dictate my life, JD. Besides, it’s just one afternoon of apple picking and pumpkin selection, and there’s a farmers market so I’ll be able to get all the ingredients for tonight’s dinner. It’ll be so very!”

Veronica laughed a little at that, but JD watched her eyes dart nervously around the courtyard as they walked outside. She hadn’t left his room much at all during the last week, and when she did it was never alone. He squeezed her hand encouragingly as they walked.

“I think it sounds fun,” Evan piped up from Mac’s other side.

“Of course you do, there will be trees there,” JD teased, Evan’s tree obsession had become a joke among them.

Veronica smiled, “I’m with Evan. I could use something fun to distract me, plus I can bring my camera and get some more pictures.

JD groaned, he had been outvoted and now he was going to have to be in pictures too. At least it was Veronica; she rarely made them pose because she preferred candid shots. Heather and Mac both liked highly staged, instagram-perfect pictures.

“So, um, is Martha coming?” Evan asked with a very unsuccessful attempt at being casual.

Veronica gave JD a knowing look, and said to Evan, “She won’t be there for apple picking, but we’re eating at her place tonight so you’ll still see her.”

Evan nodded and JD watched him try and fail to conceal his disappointment. Evan’s crush on Martha was the most innocent thing JD had ever seen, and he and Veronica talked about it a lot. It had intensified earlier in the week when Martha had given Evan the drawing she’d done of him. She had drawn him kneeling down on a forest path, holding Slushy and smiling, dressed like a medieval peasant. JD knew that Evan had it hanging right next to his bed.

Mac clapped her hands together, drawing their attention back to her. “Okay, great it’s settled!” In typical Mac fashion, she changed topics with lightening speed, so… JD did you ever talk to Casey?”

“Who’s Casey?” JD and Veronica asked at the same time.

“That guy that you punched at the party? Yeah, he was really pissed at you.” Mac’s perky tone was at odds with her words.

            JD rolled his eyes, suppressing a groan, “So, why would I want to talk to him?”

            “I don’t know, maybe to smooth things over? Jenna said he was dead set on kicking your ass.”

            He snorted, “He’s welcome to try. But this school has sixty thousand students, I doubt he’ll be able to find me.”

            At that exact second, as though his words had awakened the fates themselves, he heard someone shout, “There he is, let’s kick his ass!”

_Well fuck._

Moments like this made him regret his rather distinctive wardrobe choices.

JD turned to face them and braced himself for a fight, but was surprised to see Mac and Veronica stepping in front of him.

Casey and one of his friends came to a stop in front of them and leered, “Is this freak hiding behind his girlfriend?”

Veronica and Mac had both adopted a strange pose—one knee popped out, arms crossed, hip out—and were glaring at the guys. Veronica spoke first, in a tone that left no room for argument, “Listen, back the fuck off or I will rip your face off and wear it as a Halloween mask!”

Mac gave them an appraising look, then turned dismissively to Veronica, “Don’t do that, Ronnie! Halloween costumes are supposed to be sexy.”

JD choked on the laughter he was trying to contain. The two guys looked between Mac and Veronica and JD, and then walked away muttering something incoherent.

The girls high fived and JD let out a howl of laughter. Even Evan joined in a little, though mostly he looked extremely confused.

When JD had collected himself enough he said, “Heather Chandler is smiling at you from wherever she is.”

Mac nodded, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes, “She would have _loved_ that.”

“I have to admit she was my inspiration for that. Those assholes should have known better than to try that shit on people who used to run with Heather fucking Chandler!” Veronica cried, throwing her head back to laugh at the pristine blue sky.

JD smiled at her, she was so beautiful. It often baffled him that she wanted to be with him.

They all piled into Mac’s car and argued for thirty minutes about what music they should listen to. Eventually, Veronica seized the aux cord and took charge for the remaining fifteen minutes of the drive. Once they had parked, they all plunged into the apple orchard enthusiastically.

As it turned out, there was a lot you could learn about someone while picking apples. JD found that Veronica preferred to stay on the ground taking pictures, and when she did try to pick something, her height made it difficult. Evan overcame the issue of being short with a remarkable tree-climbing ability. For someone who normally seemed hunched and awkward he could ascend from branch to branch with extraordinary grace. He noticed Veronica taking pictures of it and was glad that there would be evidence of this later. Mac’s natural athleticism showed up as she used tree branches for pull-ups and the occasional flip. In the end, JD and Evan were the only ones who were any use for actually getting apples.

Then it was time for pumpkins. Veronica was insisting it was too early to carve pumpkins, but Mac needed pumpkin for her recipe so they may as well carve them now. JD just followed them obediently; all of this was well out of his element. He couldn’t remember ever decorating for any holiday, except maybe Christmas when his mom was still alive. Eventually, two pumpkins were selected and they could move on to the market.

The market was only tolerable because Veronica found him an apple donut. Mac spent the whole time wandering from booth to booth with the three of them ambling behind her. She had to ask every single vendor about where their produce was grown and if they were raised without GMO’s.

“For god’s sake Mac, they’re just vegetables!” JD finally snapped. The apples and pumpkins had been fun but this was ridiculous.

Mac rolled her eyes, unfazed by his outburst, “JD, the only green thing you eat is lime slushies, so somehow I doubt you know that much about vegetables.”

JD couldn’t really argue with that so he let it drop.

“Hang on, all of you get together, the light is perfect!” Veronica cried. JD summoned a smile and tossed an arm over Mac’s thin shoulders. Evan sidled up next to him and JD pulled him in with his other arm. Veronica beamed from the behind the camera and took a few shots.

When they separated, Mac yanked the camera out of Veronica’s hands and turned it on the two of them. JD felt awkward trying to smile at the camera, so he looked at Veronica instead; she looked obliviously ahead, beaming. Mac took a couple pictures like that, before JD leaned down to kiss Veronica. Distantly, he heard the camera go off, but he was distracted by the dark haired girl in his arms.

At long last, Heather had acquired everything she needed for her masterpiece tonight and they were on their way back to Martha’s. This time no one argued when Veronica played DJ, though he and Mac kicked up a fuss when “Teenaged Suicide (Don’t Do It)” came on.

“God Veronica, why do you even have that song?” Mac asked as the opening cords of some alt-folk song filtered through the car.

“Because when it get’s stuck in your head the only way to get it out is to listen to it,” Veronica said primly.

JD laughed, “I don’t think that excuses it. It’s such a trash song.”

“It’s a late eighties PSA song, of course it’s trash!” Veronica cried, “I didn’t mean for it to play, it just popped up on shuffle, relax.”

The rest of the drive passed without incident and they piled out of the car and into Martha’s apartment in good spirits.

With a shout of “Get those pumpkins ready for me!” Mac disappeared into the kitchen to start prepping the rest of her vegetables.

Martha emerged from her room and smiled shyly at Evan as she greeted the rest of them. Veronica dug out a knife and got to work on one of the pumpkins. JD observed her for a bit then got a knife of his own so that he could start cleaning out the other one.

“Okay Martha, let’s hear an embarrassing story about Veronica,” JD requested as he pulled out another large hunk of pumpkin guts.

“Don’t you dare! You’d be breaking the friend code,” Veronica whined.

Martha let out a silly evil laugh, “When she was eight years old she decided she wanted to be Zorro for Halloween and her mom kept trying to talk her into being a fairy princess with me, but she refused. So there are some great pictures of me in my frilly, sparkly fairy dress and Veronica decked out in black, with a cape and a mask and everything. They’re amazing.”

JD’s tone was dead serious, “If you can get me a copy of those pictures I will do anything you want.”

“Well, I could use a male model to practice figure drawing,” Martha suggested brightly.

“Okay, stop right there. You are not allowed to ask my boyfriend to pose for you… Unless I get to keep the drawing.” Veronica wiggled her eyebrows and dissolved into giggles when Martha blushed furiously. JD smirked at Veronica and she started blushing as well, clearly remembering the time she had snapped a couple pictures of him after they’d slept together.

He had created a secure file on her computer so she could keep them.

When dinner was finally ready, they crowded around Martha’s small kitchen table to eat. Someone had acquired a cheap bottle of wine for them to share.

Mac set the final dish down in the center with a flourish, “Tonight your starter will be spicy pumpkin soup, followed by a main course of eggplant, mushroom, and sausage casserole with maple bacon Brussels sprouts, and for dessert, apple pie. And yes, JD, I expect you to eat the sprouts or you won’t get any pie.”

JD grumbled about it, but secretly he had gotten used to Mac’s odd attempts at mothering him.

The food was amazing. He knew Mac wanted to go into food science or physical therapy, but he sometimes thought she might be better suited to culinary school. She had brought her role of ‘snack-provider to the HoW’ to a new level this time.

Mac seemed to have also decided to mother Evan, because she kept putting more food on his plate, despite the fact that he kept saying he was full. Eventually JD switched plates with him to finish his leftovers. Everyone was talking about full they were and how they couldn’t possibly take another bite when Mac unveiled the pie.

Suddenly they all had room for a little more.

After dinner they all settled down in the living room, pleasantly buzzed. Evan was acting like he’d never been drunk before and was giggling as he looked through Martha’s sketchbook.

“This—this is a cool dragon,” He said emphatically.

Martha—who was about as drunk as Evan was—laughed and replied, “Evan, all dragons are cool, they’re dragons!”

JD turned to joke about this exchange with Veronica, but she had taken out her computer and was looking through the pictures she had taken that afternoon. He knew she hated when he looked over her shoulder while she worked so he leaned back and felt something move in his pocket.

He had forgotten all about the package he had received earlier. He took out the yellow envelope and tore it open. An intimidating pocketknife fell out first, followed by a note. JD recognized his father’s handwriting immediately.

_Jason,_

_So that you can protect yourself,_

_Dad_

JD stared at the note and wondered what strange, parental omniscience had inspired his father to send him this particular gift at this moment. He turned knife over in his hands and felt oddly comforted by it. Surely Bud couldn’t know about Paul’s escape, but it this was a very rare gesture of something like affection from him, so JD would take it.

“What’s that?” Veronica asked, having noticed the knife in his hand.

Wordlessly, JD handed her the note. She read it over with raised eyebrows. When she was finished, she handed the page back to him.

“Well it looks like he found the crazy psycho bomber’s one weakness: _tiny knives_.”

JD ignored her sarcasm, and chose not to tell her that the knife was far from tiny, and in fact was probably not actually legal to have on campus. He knew she was still tense from listening to the tapes. That morning she had woken him up, thrashing around during a nightmare. It had taken him nearly an hour to calm her down, and she hadn’t gone back to sleep.

He stored the knife in his pocket and reached over to rub her back. Leaning into her, he whispered in her ear, “Our love is God.”

She gave him the barest shadow of a smile and rested her head on his shoulder for a moment before going back to her pictures. The words had become a sort of mantra between them, meaning 'No matter what, I love you. Our love is stronger than our fears'. 

A couple minutes later, she pulled back and stared at him, her dark eyes were wide and her skin ashen.

Before he could even ask what was wrong, she said, “JD, look at the picture. Look closely.”

It was the picture Mac had taken of the two of them kissing. The sun was hitting them perfectly, so that they seemed to glow. At first, he was so struck by the image of the two of them together that he didn’t even notice what Veronica was pointing at.

Then he saw him.

In the background, staring at them just a little too intensely was a familiar figure wearing a red shirt.

JD exhaled sharply, “ _Paul_.”


	12. Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!! This chapter goes out to TheRittyRatQueenSiv, I don't even know if you're reading this but you were the first person to ever comment on anything I've written so you definitely deserve a chapter.   
> This chapter is the calm before the storm, so brace yourself for what's coming! Enjoy!

The room dissolved into chaos as they all came to see the picture.

“He’s been following us!” Martha cried, “He knows where I live! Oh my god, I don’t want to stay here alone tonight! My roommates are on a road trip…”

Tears were rolling down Mac’s face, smearing her makeup, “I’m not going home. I’ll just hide in here.”

Evan looked like he was regretting ever getting involved in the mess of their lives, but his voice was steady when he said, “If it’ll make you feel better, I can sleep on your couch tonight.”

Though he thought that Mac would probably be more effective in a fight than Evan, JD didn’t say anything because both the girls seemed to like that plan.

Veronica pulled JD down so she could whisper in his ear, “Paul talked about me in those tapes more than anyone else. He was looking at us in the picture. If we leave, he’ll probably follow us,” She chewed on her lip, looking up at him with a knitted brow.

JD nodded, “You’re probably right. They’re together and safe, they’ll be fine if we leave them here.” He lifted Mac’s keys off the counter and they slipped out the door before anyone noticed or stopped them.

They were silent on the drive home. Veronica’s eyes twitched around as if she were trying to find Paul in the darkness around the car. JD felt icy needles running up and down his neck as he tried to focus on the road. He reached over to grasp Veronica’s hand, seeking an anchor while the ground dropped out from under him.

They parked the car as close to his dorm as they could, but a vast expanse of poorly lit parking lot and courtyard lay between them and the safety of his room.

He squeezed her hand, “Strength,” He whispered. Veronica nodded and they got out of the car and began to walk through the darkness towards his building.

They jumped at the slightest sound, and JD wrapped his arms around Veronica hoping to shield her from view. He was relieved that she didn’t pull away or try to object, he was doing this as much for his own comfort as hers.

They made it to the courtyard where there was exactly enough bright light to leave large, cave-like shadows for a person to lurk in.

One of those shadows moved.

JD pulled away from Veronica, “Stay here!”

He turned to run after the figure he’d seen, but was interrupted.

“NO! I’m going with you.”

He didn’t have time to argue with her, so he ran after him with Veronica trailing behind him. JD put his hand in his pocket and closed his fist around the knife; he would be ready.

If Paul had been there, he was gone by the time JD rounded the corner.

He rounded on Veronica, “If you hadn’t have argued with me, I might have gotten to him!” It was only the second time he had ever been truly angry with her.

She matched his anger, “Oh yeah? And then where would we be?”

“I could have gotten him! I could have stopped this!”

She glared daggers at him, “Or you could have been killed! Last time he had a gun, who’s to say he doesn’t have one now?” Her voice cracked, and the anger drained out of him, “JD, you could have died.” She started crying, wrapping her arms around herself as if she could hold all of her broken pieces together through the force of sheer will.

Veronica rarely cried, and it broke him to see her like this.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her hair, “I’m sorry, V. You’re right. I never should have gone after him alone. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, looking up at him, “When will you understand that I love you just as much as you love me?”

Her words struck him as if she’d physically hit him. It didn’t seem possible to him that she could love him that much. He was not worthy of that devotion from her, and yet… he had no reason to disbelieve her.

He didn’t—couldn’t— respond. Instead he grasped her hand and turned back toward his building. Even if Paul had fled, it wasn’t safe to stand out in the open. She walked with him; her fingers were shaking.  

When the walked into his room she fell against the door and pulled him against her. Stretching up as tall as she could, and dragging him down by his hair, she was able to kiss him. JD pressed her into the door, pinning her there and returned the kiss. Their fear and anger twisted and melted into something else entirely. She pushed his jacket off of his shoulders, but didn’t remove any more of his clothing. Instead, she gripped his hair and pulled. JD gasped at the pain and she seized the opportunity to push her tongue into his mouth.

He ground his hips into hers and took her roughness as a signal for how she wanted it. He pulled her hair to tilt her head back, giving him better access. Veronica’s nails scraped down his back, hard enough to draw blood.

He let out a low moan; the pain was far better than the emptiness of fear. He moved back just enough to look at her. He put one hand on her throat and she drew her breath in sharply. JD ran his thumb across her jaw and over her lips, drinking in the sight of her. He moved his hand around the back of her throat and pulled her to him. His other hand slipped between them and pulled her skirt down. She stepped out of it and he slid a finger inside her.

He needed to hear her, needed to know that she was with him. He hooked his finger and she shuddered and gasped. It wasn’t enough.

His forehead dropped to rest against hers, “Veronica, talk to me. Please.” He couldn’t keep the note of desperation out of his voice.

“I love you,” She whispered, kissing along his jaw until her lips were right next to his ear. “I love you, and you’re _mine,_ Jason Dean.” He crooked his finger again and her words dissolved into a moan.

“Tell me what you want,” He pleaded.

She shuddered and hummed as he began to slowly pump two fingers in and out of her. “I want to feel so much it hurts. I want to feel so much everything else disappears.”

He yanked her shirt off and took his off as well. Her hands traced across the muscles on his chest while he bent down to kiss the dip between her collarbones. He removed her bra so that she stood bare in front of him. The faint light that filtered through the window illuminated her only slightly. He could see the outline of her wild hair and the slight sheen on her skin. She was stunning.

He prowled around her and pulled her against him so her back was pressed into his chest. One hand continued to finger her, while the other kneaded her breasts. She chanted his name, occasionally punctuating it with a curse.

“Veronica…” He murmured into her ear, nibbling on the shell of it and pulling another gasp from her lips.

That must have snapped whatever spell she had been under, because she spun around to face him. She undid his belt and removed his pants, her small hand wrapped around his dick, his underwear providing an added, torturous, level of sensation when she stroked him. Soon she removed those as well.

She put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him down onto his knees. He grinned wickedly up at her and dipped his head between her legs to taste her. She didn’t last long, and as she came her legs buckled. He caught her and brought her to the bed.

Veronica didn’t hesitate to push him onto the bed so that she could be on top. She set a dizzying pace and JD dug his nails into her hips, trying to slow her down. He couldn’t last. It was too much for him and it was over too soon. She finished just before him and he came apart listening to her yell.

They fell asleep tangled together in a sweaty mess, their fear not strong enough to conquer their exhaustion.

 

JD awoke to the sound of Slushie moving around in his cage, and noticed that Veronica wasn’t beside him. He leapt up in a panic, just as she stepped through the door wrapped in his towel.

He let out an enormous sigh of relief and pulled her into a slightly damp hug. She leaned into him, her wet hair leaving trails of cool water down his bare chest. She turned away, dropping the towel so she could put clothes on. He admired her, until he noticed the marks on her hips.

“Oh god, Veronica,” He brushed his fingers across the scratches he’d left, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t—“

She stopped him, “If you think those are bad you should see your back.” He angled himself so he could get a partial view of his back in the mirror and saw the long, vivid trails left by her fingernails.

“Still,” He said, slightly calmer, “I’m sorry.”

She smiled at him, “Don’t be. I don’t regret any of it.”

He was relieved to hear that at least. He didn’t regret it either. For a while, they had been able to forget the danger and reassure each other that they were alive. Now that it was morning, the danger was pressing in around them. It was only a matter of days before the reception at Westerburg and he didn’t feel prepared at all. Everything they’d done to look into Paul’s past seemed like wasted effort because it told them nothing about what he would do _now._

His thoughts continued to spin around possible plans Paul might have as he was showering. He didn’t have any major revelations.

When he got back to his room, Veronica was looking at her phone, “We need to get to Martha’s, Heather is demanding a full group meeting. We have to tell them about last night too.”

JD nodded absently. The threat of the reception was looming too close for comfort, and he was really worried that Veronica wasn’t holding it together as well as she pretended to.

In the car, he leaned on an old therapy tactic they had adopted as a communication too, “V, What are you feeling?”

She sighed, and for a while he thought she wouldn’t answer. When she did, her voice was quiet, “I’m scared. I’m terrified. Last time I didn’t even really have time to think about it, it all happened so fast, but all this waiting feels like it’s killing me.”

He reached over to squeeze her hand, “Strength, Veronica. You can do this.” His words sounded weak to him, so he kept going to hide the misstep, “You have so much power you don’t even realize you have. You hold all of us together. I know how bad it feels, but trust me, you are more than strong enough to survive this.”

Her lips tilted just slightly upwards, “I love you, Jason Dean. When this is all over, let’s go camping, or just hide in your room watching bad movies and eating junk food for a few days.”

JD smiled, “Or we could go on an road trip. We could try to see how many different kinds of chilly fries we can sample in one weekend.”

Veronica caught on to his game quickly, “Bowling, I bet I could beat you at bowling,” He laughed, because she definitely could.

“Oooh,” she added, “You need more clothes for winter, we could go shopping!”

He groaned, but he could tell she knew it was an act. They were both yearning for the day they could be normal again.

They pulled up in front of Martha’s apartment in a better mood than they had started in, but their few moments of levity were not enough to totally dispel the fear they were experiencing.

Heather was already on someone’s screen when they arrived; she looked exhausted. JD checked his watch and realized that it was about four in the morning her time. She glared at them when they walked in, “Took you long enough.”

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Heather.” Veronica said, but she didn’t really sound sorry at all. JD remembered what her determination to stop Paul had done to her last time. She had walked with more purpose; she had been tougher, calmer, and more fearless than he’d ever seen her. With the reception drawing close, he wondered if the same thing was happening again.

They told the others what had happened last night when they had seen Paul following them home.

The group sat in stunned silence until Heather spoke, “Well thank fuck I’m coming home. You guys clearly cannot handle anything without me.”

“Wait, what?” Veronica asked, and her confusion was reflected on everyone’s face.

“Yeah, well my fall break starts this weekend so I was coming home anyway. Last night I made my parents change my plane ticket because I really think you need me.”

JD smiled, “Yeah, we need the whole team.”

Heather’s cocky smile faltered, “I’m not sure about the reception. I just don’t know if I can handle it…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Veronica assured her, “It’ll be good just have you nearby.”

JD agreed with her. Having the whole group together would be a relief. Though he wouldn’t admit it with a gun to his head, he really missed Heather. She never showed when she was scared—usually masking it with anger—and it was pretty inspiring. They would need all of that strength to get through this weekend.


	13. The Reception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to literally everyone who has read, commented, or left kudos on this story. I'm going through a hard time but the love and support you all have shown me has really helped me keep going. Thank you!   
> Finally we get to the good stuff. Brace yourself and Enjoy!

It was… amazingly normal to be sitting in Veronica’s bedroom with the others. Though it had only been a matter of weeks, JD felt like he’d been out of Sherwood for decades.

He was sitting with Mac, Martha, and Evan while Heather got Veronica ready. Heather had chosen not to join them, so they were on their own.

“You can’t hide in the closet forever,” He called to the girls, who had been in there for a frankly ridiculous amount of time. It had only taken him ten minutes to get ready.

Heather poked her head out the door, “Your girlfriend is being difficult!”

“I am not!”

JD moved to intervene but Mac stopped him, “I think you should let me handle this.” He was happy not to have to get in between his girlfriend and his adopted sister.

Martha and Evan both looked a little nervous, but they had been holding hands for a while. No one asked them about it, clearly whatever was between them was still new and hesitant and no one wanted to break it.

Martha attempted a shaky smile, “You look nice, JD. Blue is a good color on you.”

“Thanks, Martha.” JD fiddled nervously with his tie. He still wasn’t a fan of formalwear, but he’d been forced to learn to tolerate this suit. The Dukes had made him buy it when the publicity started getting out of hand. It was black, and he usually paired it with a black or gray shirt—despite the fact that Heather said he looked like an angsty vampire—tonight he was wearing a blue tie. Somehow it felt right to wear Veronica’s color.

“Fucking finally!” Heather shouted as the three girls emerged from the closet.

JD’s breath caught.

Veronica was stunning. She had chosen to wear a white dress, with long sleeves and a dangerously short, flared skirt. He smiled, because she hadn’t abandoned her favorite color entirely; her eye makeup, shoes, and jewelry were all bright blue.

He stood up and took her hand, “You look amazing, V.”

She smiled, “Well, it’ll do. I just hope I don’t have to run anywhere.” She gestured vaguely to her very high heels.

He didn’t say anything—for all they knew, running was a very real possibility.

Okay Losers, time to get going.” Heather set her jaw and turned to walk out of the room.

“Good luck,” Martha said, and JD appreciated that she was at least trying not to cry.

Mac’s lip was trembling, but her eyes were fierce when she said, “We’ll see you after.” It was nice to hear that at least one person thought they were going to live through tonight.

He squeezed Veronica’s hand and they walked out together.

Just like last year, he felt an odd surge of confidence as he approached the school. Though the stairs yawned before him like those leading to the gallows, he walked calmly with his head up. Veronica too, looked calm and tough. Heather, who was driving them had passed on calm and looked like she was ready to commit a felony. He reached into his pocket and wrapped his fingers around the knife he had stored there. Though he doubted he would use it, it was comforting to know that he wasn’t completely vulnerable.

The hallways were oddly familiar and yet totally alien as they walked through them. He could see some of the changes they had made, but at the end of the day, a high school looks like a high school and Westerburg was still just that, fancy security system or not.

They were greeted with cheers and camera phones when they entered the cafeteria. Veronica leaned into him and whispered, “I think I miss the tent.”

JD laughed, but the new cafeteria was actually pretty nice. The school had chosen to relocate much of the artwork that had previously been decorating the trailers to here. He recognized several of Martha’s paintings, and even glimpsed a photo he was sure was Veronica’s. The space felt warmer and homier than any cafeteria he’d ever seen before.

There were no students at this event, and they were by far the youngest guests. Principal Gowan bustled over to them immediately, taking Veronica by the arm to stand for some pictures. JD gave what Veronica called his ‘publicity smile’ which apparently was barely a smile at all and looked nothing like the way he smiled when he was actually happy.

After the photo, Gowan turned to talk to them, but he was dragged away by someone else. Veronica’s polite demeanor dropped away, “JD, try to walk around and look for anything suspicious.”

“You want me to do a bomb sweep?” Veronica nodded. “Alright then, I’ll look. Where will you be?” He didn’t want her to be too far away from him.  

“I’m going to find the guy that’s in charge of security so that I can at least suggest that maybe Paul might be trying to get in.” JD could see in her eyes that she didn’t believe it would do any good. Adults had failed them too often to start believing in them again now. With one final hand squeeze, they parted ways.

JD walked slowly around the room, pretending to look at the art on the walls, while really searching for anything strange that might indicate explosives. He walked around the room and even looked at the small stage-like platform they’d erected for the speeches later on.

He didn’t find anything.

He wandered over to where Veronica was talking to a tall bald man who appeared to be pissing them off.

“Oh, JD! Glad you could join us. Mr. Vale was just telling me that someone called in an anonymous tip saying that Paul might come here tonight.” Veronica said tersely, her brown eyes bright with anger.

“Nice to meet you, Jason,” JD flinched a little at the use of his full name, “I was just reassuring this lovely young lady that the event is perfectly safe. We believe that the call was just some students playing a prank.” Vale bestowed a condescending smile on Veronica and gave JD a look like they were in on a joke together.

JD didn’t want to be in on this guy’s joke, so he said, “Well, let’s all hope you’re right. Because you’re really going to look like an idiot if you aren’t.” He was sure he knew exactly which students had called in the threat, and it definitely wasn’t a prank.

He placed a hand on Veronica’s back and steered her away. Ms. Fleming apprehended them.

“Oh look at you two! You just make the keenest couple don’t you? I always thought so,” She beamed at them, and JD barely caught himself before he asked her where the hell she had gotten the idea that anyone used the word ‘keen’ like that.

Veronica didn’t seem to want to speak to the guidance counselor any more than he did, “Sorry Ms. Fleming, we don’t have time to talk, we have to go… over here... now.” She seized JD’s hand and dragged him away.

For the next hour, they smiled through people’s awkward attempts to talk about the most traumatic experience of their lives, and stood with tensely pleasant expressions for photos with all of Westerburg’s PTA. Some notable alumni came up to joke with them about how nice it was that the school blew up, because it meant that they got this nice new one. JD was ready to punch someone before they even sat down for the speeches.

While Gowan droned on about the ‘decorated past and bright future of Westerburg’ JD leaned in to whisper to Veronica. “Are you ready for your speech?”

She shifted in her seat, “I’m a little nervous, but at least I kept it short. I don’t know how Gowan goes on like this—“

A sour looking old lady shushed them more loudly than they were talking, cutting Veronica off. They sat in silence for the rest of the speech. It was so dull it was almost comforting, and by the end, JD had almost convinced himself that Paul wasn’t coming. It was possible he had decided that it was too risky.

When the polite applause following Gowan’s speech was finished, Veronica walked up to the platform. As always, JD was struck by her ability to appear calm when under immense pressure.

“Hello ladies and gentlemen. I’m so pleased to be able to stand in the reconstructed Westerburg High. I think that the school stands as an excellent monument to the resilience of the staff and students who were most affected by the tragedies of last year.” She paused to take a breath, allowing her reminder to sink in, “This school and its occupants have been through a lot. I am certainly not excluded from that. But like the school, we rebuild ourselves and we hope to be stronger for the future. I hope that the many generations that will walk these halls in the future learn from those of us that walked them in the past, so that—“

Veronica cut off as all the doors slammed closed and bolted shut at once.

The lights went off.

A figure stepped onto the stage next to Veronica, claiming her microphone, “So sorry to come uninvited, dreadful etiquette, I know.”

JD bolted out of his seat and moved to run to Veronica, but he was stopped by the faint glint of emergency lights off of steel. He had a gun, and he was pointing it at Veronica.

“Paul,” She started carefully, he saw her eyes dart to the gun, then back up to glance at him.

Paul cut her off, “So you remember my name this time? I really am glad you came. I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

Veronica’s eyes flicked towards JD’s again, but she returned her attention to Paul, “Okay, then let’s talk. I assume you found a way to put the school into lockdown?”

The strange shadows created by the unusual lighting made Paul’s smile appear unnatural, “It was easy. Security in these places is never as good as they think it is. STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING!”

JD found himself staring directly into Paul’s gun. He froze.

Paul turned back to Veronica, seething, “You think you can play me? You thought you’d be able to distract me while _he_ snuck up here to rescue you? Maybe I should shoot him, to make sure I have your full attention.”

“No!” Veronica shouted, “I’m sorry, I’ll pay attention. Just, please, don’t hurt him.”

_Don’t do that, V, please. Don’t give him what he wants._

“You want to protect him, don’t you?” Paul sounded more confused than anything, “You don’t understand yet, do you, Veronica?”

“Understand what?” Veronica’s voice was remarkably steady.

“That I’m going to kill everyone in here. You can’t protect him, not for very long anyway.”

“Why?” She asked, and he couldn’t read the many layers of her tone.

Paul laughed bitterly, “Maybe because no one ever loved me!”

“Well that is just too fucking bad!” Veronica appeared to have completely lost her mind; even Paul flinched backwards when she yelled. “You don’t get to run around and kill people because you’re sad. We’re all sad. I know people who have survived much worse than you and they turned out fine. I get that your life sucked, but that doesn’t give you the right to play god.”

“THAT’S IT!” He pressed the barrel of the gun into Veronica’s forehead, and she glared at him as if it were only a minor inconvenience. “I’ll be nice, and let the two of you say goodbye. Make it a good one.” He wrapped an arm around Veronica and pulled her against his chest with the gun against her temple.

Paul gave a sick smile, “Come closer, Jason. You wanted to get up here earlier, now I’m going to let you.”

JD approached slowly.

He didn’t even look at Paul.

He kept his eyes locked with Veronica’s, and all the words he wanted to say choked him.

His useless promises rang in his ears.

_I’ll keep you safe_.

_He can’t hurt us._

He had failed.

Tears were escaping her eyes, and he yearned to brush them away.

“That’s close enough!” Paul snapped when JD was still several steps away from the front of the stage. “Okay, _Ronnie_ , what do you have to say?”

He kept his eyes on her, and he could swear she almost smiled.

“Our love is God.”

He couldn’t let her go.

“Paul! You want to shoot someone? Fine. Shoot me!”


	14. Clean Slate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I GOT A TUMBLR! Specifically I got one for fanfiction so I can keep in touch with all of you wonderful people who read what I write.  
> Find me at https://scouts-mockingbird.tumblr.com/  
> Sorry about the shameless plug, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

_“Paul! You want to shoot someone? Fine. Shoot me!”_

The words were out of his mouth before he could think them through, plan his next move. He had Paul’s attention for now though, so he would just keep talking. “Why kill Veronica? That’s not what you’re about. You want to get even, to clean the slate.” He swallowed hard before pushing onwards. Desperation colored his tone, “Well I’m the one who shot you, so you should shoot me.”

Paul swung the gun unsteadily out to point it at JD’s chest, but he had his arm around Veronica, trapping her. JD continued trying to draw Paul’s focus away from Veronica, “And everything that’s happened to you since that day is because of me. I carried you out of the building; if it weren’t for me you would have died in the explosion like you planned.”

Paul let out a deafening scream and pulled the trigger.

At that exact second, Veronica tried to wrench herself free and disrupted Paul’s aim.

JD felt a sharp pain in his side and a subsequent rush of blood. The shock of it was the worst part. He fell to the ground, unable to support himself. Dimly, he knew he should try to stop the bloodflow, but his mind was too focused on Veronica.

She still wasn’t safe.

She must have fallen off the stage, because she’s scrambling to crawl towards him. Paul is watching them and his calm demeanor is entirely gone. In it’s place there is a fervor that makes JD nervous. Paul didn’t operate by any normal logic, and now that they’d disrupted his plan there was no way to predict what he would do.

Veronica reached him and they clung to each other. He was vaguely aware of the pain in his side, but it wasn’t as bad as he’d thought it would be. For now he could tune it out, because Veronica was here, and she was holding him.

He was dizzy with relief to have her back in his arms, but they were still locked in a room with a crazy serial killer and dozens of useless adults. Though they were together, their situation wasn’t much improved.

Paul walked over to them slowly, “Is it so much better now? To die together? With you like this I could kill you both with one bullet…” He trailed off musingly and JD clung tighter to Veronica.

Paul shook his head as if clearing his thoughts, “No, no! I need to understand. Tell me,” He commanded, but they stared at him blankly.

“Tell you what?” Veronica asked quietly. He could feel her hand somewhere around his hip, but he was too overwhelmed to try to figure out why it was there.

“Why he’s so important, why she is. I don’t understand.”

Veronica looked into JD’s eyes, “Then I don’t think you will.”

“That’s not good enough,” Paul hissed.

“Fine,” JD said, “Because she’s my everything, and…” He looked at Veronica, who nodded, “and I’m hers. We love each other. If you don’t understand that then I don’t really know how to explain it to you.”

“But what is the point? Don’t you realize that the world is awful? Everyone is suffering and we do nothing at all to help them because we’re too caught up in ourselves to even begin to bother with someone else. Meanwhile, evil people get to run around and do whatever the fuck they want and nobody gives a shit! I WAS A VICTIM TOO!”

“You’re right.” JD said calmly.

Paul actually froze, finally caught off guard.

“You’re right. Everything in the world is awful, and it’s easier to be numb—or to be dead—than to try to face all that vast, empty, uncaring space. You and I are not that different, Paul,” He began to hiss out a retort, but JD stopped him, “We aren’t. Hell, in another universe, you and I are exactly the same. The world treated us like shit and we wanted to try to find a way to get back at it. But it doesn’t work. You won’t feel any more fulfilled if you kill us. You can blow up the high school, you can blow up _all_ the high schools, but you’ll still be a victim. You’ll still be you.”

It wasn’t until the pain registered in his arm that JD even realized the gun had gone off.

Now he was really bleeding. Shock must have set in because he just stared at the wound, unable to figure out what had happened.

JD refocused when he heard Paul scream.

He had a knife sticking out of his foot.

It took JD a moment to piece together the fact that it was his knife, and that Veronica must have pulled it from his pocket and stabbed Paul. The gun was on the ground—out of his reach even if his arm was working—and Veronica was fighting with Paul.

It was messy, ugly fighting, with hair pulling and scratching. Veronica might have been winning but it was hard to keep track. JD tried to get up to help her, but he was dizzy and his limbs wouldn’t obey him. He called her name uselessly as she battled with Paul.

Veronica was knocked to the ground only moments later and Paul stood menacingly over her. “Do you think you can stop this? You’re too late, it’s already begun!” Paul pulled his jacket aside to reveal the bomb strapped to his chest.

The only way to guarantee that he would die in his explosion.

JD’s head spun when he turned to locate a clicking sound somewhere near Veronica. She had picked up the gun, and had it aimed at Paul. Her hands were shaking, but her voice was steady, “I’ll kill you. I’ll fucking kill you, I swear!”

Paul glared at her, seemingly unconcerned by the timer on his chest ticking down, “Don’t you want to clean the slate, Ronnie? Don’t you want to see if there’s something better after all this?”

“Not yet.” She pulled the trigger.

And she missed him.

They both stared at the gun as if somehow it had wronged them; neither said a word. The world seemed to be going dark around the edges as JD fought to stay conscious. It was the most he could do to be helpful to her right now, and it was pathetically little.

“You know what I want, Paul?” Veronica said, lowing her weapon, “I want to stop being afraid of you. You go ahead and die to create your decent world. I’d rather live in this one.”

She put the gun down and kicked it to the far wall, then lowered herself to wrap her arms around JD, “I’m sorry. I can’t stop it. Even if I kill him the bomb will go off with us trapped in here. I’m sorry.”

He was too out of it to say much, but he was crying. They both were. “I love you, V. This isn’t your fault.” He wished his last words weren’t going to be slurred.

He glanced up to see Paul watching them. He looked so young. Like a lost, scared child.

“You beat me.”

Then his eyes heated up again. All of the passion rekindled as he turned from them and strode across the cafeteria, leaving bloody footprints as he went.

He pulled out his phone and hit a button, the door released and he pushed it open and walked out. JD heard the lock click back into place before anyone could even try to leave. Suddenly, his foggy head cleared just enough for him to realize what Paul was going to do.

JD forced his aching limbs to move, and hauled himself into a semi-standing position, Veronica at his side. Hobbling carefully, he dragged his body to the window and looked out.

Sure enough, Paul was standing there in the moonlight, facing them. He waved almost cheerfully when he saw that they were watching. The red numbers on the bomb were barely visible, but JD knew they were still moving. JD leaned into Veronica to keep himself standing as a powerful flashback washed over him.

She was wearing a pink sweater. He sometimes imagined that he’d seen it weaving through the crowds of people at the demolition site, but he hadn’t. There was no way he could have stopped her. She must have climbed the old library stairs to get to the window. Sometimes he pictured himself walking those stairs with her. His memory played tricks on him, placing him beside her in the building instead of on the pavement outside. But for her final moment, that’s always where he was. Watching as she waved to him until neither she nor the old library existed anymore.

Now, he was about to watch someone else go the same way. He stared at Paul, unable to look away and unsure if he wanted to.

He imagined the timer.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Veronica pulled him hard, hugging him against her chest so that he wasn’t looking when the clock reached zero.

He heard the explosion, and felt it shudder through the ground. It was over.

Paul was gone.

Veronica had saved him from having to watch.

Had Veronica watched? Was she okay? 

JD tried to ask her, but he couldn't find the words.  He still felt so dizzy. His efforts to staunch his bleeding weren’t very successful because he could only be covering one of his wounds at once. Veronica lowered him to the ground and tried to help, but there wasn’t much she could do either.

“JD, you have to stay awake for a little longer, okay? Someone will come get us out of here soon and then we’ll be okay but you have to stay awake!” She slapped his face a couple times, and he tried hard to do what she asked, but she looked like she was at the end of a long tunnel. And the tunnel was spinning.

Distantly, he heard her continue to beg him to stay awake. To stay alive.

 

 

_I’m sorry. I tried._


	15. Stay Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Veronica's POV because JD....... Anyway follow me on Tumblr (Scouts-mockingbird) and Enjoy!

She sat there holding him for what felt like years.

His eyes had closed ages ago.

He hadn’t moved since.

His pulse was weak and hard to find.

The doors were still locked.

Veronica knew he needed help, and she knew help was on the other side of those doors, but she couldn’t do anything to get them open. She tried to stop JD from bleeding out, but in her mind, she knew that he was dying. Her soul had yet to accept this, and she was talking to him. Reminding him of everything he had to live for, and begging him to open his eyes. They remained closed.

Time had lost all meaning so she didn’t know how much had passed before someone showed up with a stretcher. They tried to tell her to wait, but she refused to let him out of her sight. Everyone involved knew that they didn’t have time to waste, so they let her ride in the ambulance with him. She sat in the corner and watched them work, trying to decipher their medical jargon. The basic conceit of it seemed to be ‘blood loss’ and Veronica already knew that; she had watched him lose it.

At the hospital, they took him away to have surgery, and a kindly nurse led her to a waiting room. “He’s in good hands,” The nurse said, trying to comfort her, but Veronica recognized that she hadn’t said anything about his condition.

Veronica sat shivering in the sterile white room, staring at nothing. At some point, her friends arrived. She didn’t get up to see them or even greet them. Her voice seemed to have gone with JD, she wondered if it would only come back if they saved him.

Martha wrapped something around her shoulders and Veronica was overwhelmed by the smell of artificial cherries, books, and smoke. JD. She pulled the coat tighter around her feeling slightly warmer. This coat, at least, was real.

If he lived, she would never make fun of it again.

If he lived.

            He might not. She had seen how pale he was. She had seen his eyes close and felt the faint, struggling heartbeat. He’d been shot—technically he’d been shot twice— but not in fatal places. But he’d been left to bleed for so long…

            It all spun around in her head, too loud for her to concentrate on her friends’ concern. She doubted she would have wanted to even if she could have.

            Heather loomed in front of her, and her voice made it through the buzz of Veronica’s thoughts, “Veronica, how is he? What even happened the news was so vague, they just said that he’d been brought to the hospital in critical condition.”

            Critical. Yes, she supposed he was that. He was critical to her.

            “Veronica, look at me!” Heather commanded, “Say something!”

She met Heather’s eyes, but didn’t say a word. Thankfully, Evan came to her rescue, “Heather, just leave her alone for a bit. Sometimes there just… aren’t words.”

After that, they let her be so she drifted off into something between sleep and wakefulness.

_“The slate is clean.” She reached for the boy, but it was too late, he was already gone._  

She was pulled back into the real world when a doctor came in.

“Jason Dean?”

The HoW stood up in unison, eyes wide and eager for news.

“He lost a lot of blood. He’s an unusual blood type so we don’t have enough in stock—“

He hesitated, and Heather cut him off, “What type?”

Confused the doctor glanced at his chart, “B negative. Only two percent of the population—“

Again Heather interrupted him, “That’s me too.” She held out her arm, “Take it all.”

“That’s very unlikely, are you sure?” The doctor wisely seemed hesitant to argue with Heather, but he didn’t look convinced.

“I’ve been donating blood back at school since they told me I was rare. Besides,” Her face twisted into a tear filled grin, “He’s my brother.”

Despite their somewhat obvious difference in race, the doctor didn’t argue with her statement and took her back to get her blood drawn. As she walked by, Veronica reached out and touched her shoulder.

_Thank you._

She couldn’t make the words form, but she thought Heather understood her, because she nodded and hurried to catch up to the doctor.

Then it was more waiting.

_“The slate is clean.”_

_“The slate is clean.”_

_“The slate is clean.”_

Veronica had to shake herself to prove that she hadn’t heard the words. But of course she hadn’t. She hadn’t even heard them when Paul said them. She’d seen his mouth move, and she knew what he said. _Why don’t I feel clean then?_

The waiting room door burst open with a loud bang, startling Veronica out of her thoughts. The others all turned to look at the newcomer, and all the girls tensed.

Bud Dean.

For the first time since JD had closed his eyes, Veronica felt something. She was almost glad when he skipped the nurse’s station entirely and rounded on her. “What the fuck happened? How could you let this happen to him?”

Distantly, Veronica realized that his yelling should scare her, but she’d run out of fear hours ago. She had none to spare. She went with anger instead, and finally found her voice, “ _Let?_ You think I _let_ this happen?”

“Well you hardly seem to have stopped it. Were you even with him when they got there?” His words were as harsh as his tone, but she matched him glare for glare.

Veronica let the coat slide off her shoulders, revealing her bloodstained white dress, “Whose blood do you think this is? That’s right, I’m covered in the love of my life’s blood, so I really wouldn’t fuck with me right now.” She took a deep breath, and turned away from him; he wasn’t worth her attention.

“You think—“

Veronica’s temper snapped, “What the hell makes you think you have any right to be here?” She let the disdain drip from her voice.

“ _My son_ is hurt and you—“

Veronica cut him off, “He’s been hurting for years, you sure picked a hell of a time to start giving a shit.”

“Listen you little bitch—“

“Watch it!” Mac snapped, taking a place at Veronica’s side.

Bud clenched his jaw, breathing tensely, “You just stood behind him and let him take a couple bullets, but you want to make this my fault?”

“Where exactly do you think he got the idea that his life wasn’t valuable? Because I know it wasn’t from me.” Veronica watched his eyes closely and saw them falter, the icy surface cracking just a little. “And you know what else? I know for certain that he would want me to be here. I am absolutely positive that he loves me. Can you say the same?”

Bud walked away silently; clearly he didn’t have a good answer to her question. He dropped into a seat on the opposite side of the room and didn’t look at any of them.

Mac put her hand on Veronica’s shoulder, “Are you okay, Ronnie? That was pretty severe.”

_Standing in a 7/11 with a boy she wanted to know,_

_“That thing you pulled in the caf today was pretty severe._

_Well, The extreme always seems to make an impression.”_

_His smile. His mismatched eyes. She wished she could stay here with him all night._

 

Veronica shook herself out of the flashback so she could reply, “No.”

Martha came over and stood on Veronica’s other side. Veronica didn’t really like feeling surrounded, but she knew they were trying to comfort her.

“Ronnie…” Veronica could tell that Martha wanted to tell her that JD would be okay, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. They didn’t know if he would be okay.

“Guys, there’s nothing you can say. I can’t even imagine a world that doesn’t have him in it, so please don’t tell me I’ll be alright, because I won’t be. If JD doesn’t pull through, I’ll never be alright again.” She turned away from them and retrieved his coat, sliding it on over her ruined dress.

Evan watched the whole exchange with wide eyes, but he didn’t say anything. He seemed to be the only person here who didn’t want anything from her. She sank back into her chair and returned to her silent vigil.

When the doors reopened they all leapt up, but it was just Heather returning. She looked a little pale and she was clinging to a cup of juice, but she seemed otherwise fine.

“Hey Heather, how are you?” Mac asked, helping her to a chair.

“They wouldn’t let me see him,” Heather said sadly, “I thought it would be like in the movies where the hook a tube up to both of us.”

Veronica was desperate, “Did they tell you anything?”

Heather shook her head, “He’s still in surgery. No one knows anything.”

Veronica sighed. The wait was going to kill her. The random stabs of hope and despair coupled with frightening numbness in between left her more exhausted than she’d ever been.

Last time, they had given her a sedative and she had slept through all the waiting.

More time passed. Veronica’s parents arrived at the hospital with the Dukes, demanding to know why she hadn’t called them. She muttered some answer about forgetting and they let it drop. It must be pretty obvious that she was totally fried.

At long last, an exhausted-looking woman stepped through the door, “Jason Dean?”

They had all stood when she entered. Veronica searched her face for some sign. She looked tired, maybe sad? No. Please not sad. Veronica squeezed her eyes shut and fought back tears.

The surgeon continued, “It was touch and go for a long time. The blood loss made removing the bullet much harder than it should have been. But I feel confident that he’ll pull through. He must really have something worth fighting for.”

The relief was so sharp and sudden that Veronica collapsed. The surgeon sprung forward to make sure she was all right, as did all of her friends. Veronica kept her eyes locked on the doctor, “He’s going to be okay?”

She nodded and Veronica felt her strength come back. He was going to pull through. She wasn’t going to lose him.

“He’s going to be asleep for a long time. We’re keeping him sedated while his red blood cells are replenished. I suggest you all go home and get some rest. You can come back for visiting hours tomorrow at ten.”

Veronica shook her head, “I need to see him. Now.”

The doctor gave her a sympathetic look, “I’m sorry dear, only family is allowed after visiting hours. You can—“

“Just let her go,” Bud interrupted gruffly, “He’d want her to be there.”

She relented and turned to lead them both back into the winding corridors, Veronica said a brief goodbye to her friends, who promised to come back tomorrow.

The doctor deposited them in front of a room and told them to call if they needed anything, then she left to attend to something else. Veronica practically ran to JD’s bedside.

He looked dead.

She almost fell to pieces right there, seeing him lying on that bed, perfectly still. The only reason she didn’t was that she refused to cry in front of Bud, who was standing awkwardly in the doorway. Veronica busied herself dragging a chair to the side of the bed so she could sit with him.

Pretty much the entire right side of his body was bandaged and his upper arm was triple in size, hopefully mostly due to copious bandaging, but she wasn’t sure that it wasn’t very swollen. Veronica held his good hand lifting it slightly so that she could kiss his palm.

She glanced over and saw that Bud was facing away from them and pulling out a lighter and a cigarette, “Seriously?” She deadpanned.

He looked like a scolded child, but he put the cigarette back into his pocket.

Veronica took a deep breath, “Thank you.” Bud looked startled, but he didn’t say anything so she continued, “For letting me stay with him, it means a lot.”

Bud just shrugged so Veronica gave up. She didn’t really want to bond with him anyway. She brushed JD’s hair out of his face and settled down. She wasn’t going anywhere tonight.

Eventually, the steady beeping of his heart monitor and the even rise and fall of his chest convinced her that he was really truly alive, and she fell asleep still holding his hand.


	16. Don't Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end! I think this one only has one chapter left (maybe two). I'm thinking about a couple different things to start for JDonica Day (September 22nd) and one of them is a multi-chapter Ghost Hunting AU that's slightly based on Stranger Things, so let me know if you'd like to see that! This chapter goes to featherlight221b because your comment warmed my heart. Enjoy!

“The best thing, though, in that museum was that everything always stayed right where it was. Nobody'd move. You could go there a hundred thousand times, and that Eskimo would still be just finished catching those two fish, the birds would still be on their way south, the deers would still be drinking out of that water hole, with their pretty antlers and their pretty, skinny legs, and that squaw with the naked bosom would still be weaving that same blanket. Nobody'd be different. The only thing that would be different would be you. Not that you'd be so much older or anything. It wouldn't be that, exactly…”

The soft words woke Veronica slowly until she became fully aware that she was listening to Heather Duke reading aloud. She lifted her head to look at her friend, who closed the book with a small smile.

Veronica raised her eyebrows, “ _Cather in the Rye_?”

Heather shrugged, “I was going to bring _Moby Dick_ but I thought he’d like this better. It doesn’t even really matter, he hasn’t moved or anything, he can’t hear it.”

“He’ll still like knowing that you did it though,” Veronica said softly, touched by Heather’s rare display of affection.

“If you tell him, I’ll kill you.” Heather said with a glare, effectively killing the gesture entirely.

Veronica sighed and rolled her eyes, attempting to run her fingers through her hair. Sleeping bent over a hospital bed in an uncomfortable plastic chair had not left her looking or feeling her best.

“Veronica, you look like death. Go home and take a shower, get some real sleep. You need it and JD won’t be awake for hours.”

She shook her head, “I can’t leave him. Once he’s awake and I’ve talked to him I’ll go home but I can’t do it until I’ve heard his voice.”

Heather rolled her eyes, “Then you’re lucky you have such good friends. We packed you a bag. Go to the bathroom and change at least; your dress is freaking me out.”

Veronica couldn’t argue with that. It would be a relief to get out of the bloodstained dress. She grabbed the bag and walked down the hall to the bathroom. Martha must have packed her clothes because it contained her pre-Heathers clothes. A bulky, fuzzy sweater, a couple ironic t-shirts, a pair of jeans, and her favorite beat up sneakers. She changed and washed her face, taming her hair with a wetted down hairbrush. At the end of it all, she looked almost normal.

When she returned to the room, Mac had taken Heather’s place, “We’re trying to limit the number of people in the room at once so we’re taking shifts.”

“Oh, okay, um—“

“Don’t worry we don’t expect you to take shifts, we know you’re staying no matter what,” Mac smiled gently at her, “Just don’t forget that you aren’t the only one who loves him.”

Veronica nodded, “Sorry I was so crazy last night, I just really don’t know what I would do without him.”

Mac reached out and grabbed Veronica’s hand, “I know. We all know. How are you holding up?”

“I don’t even know. I was so consumed with worrying about him last night that I don’t even think I’ve processed any of it yet. But Paul… He’s not going to hurt any of us ever again.” Veronica wasn’t even sure how to approach all that had happened last night; her memories were still jumbled and confused. She wished she had her diary to help her sort through it all.

“What happened?” Mac asked, blue eyes wide, “We know he had a bomb vest on, and everyone thinks he was planning to blow up the cafeteria with everyone locked inside, but then he just…left.”

“I don’t know.” Veronica murmured, looking at JD’s sleeping face.

She was silent for a long time before she continued, “It was like he just gave up all of a sudden. We tried to talk him out of it—I even tried shooting him—but nothing worked until we both gave up. I thought we were going to die, then Paul just left.”

Heather had apparently been listening at the door, so she leaned in and asked, “Did he say anything?”

_The slate is clean._

“Um, just ‘you beat me’, right before he left. I don’t know if he was talking to JD or me though. I guess we’ll never know.” Veronica tried to play it off with a shrug, but they didn’t look convinced. She didn’t know what to make of his true last words.

Martha poked her head in as well, apparently those whose turn it wasn’t had decided to just sit outside JD’s room and wait, “Ronnie, I brought your diary in case you want it, also JD’s dad is hanging around outside, should we maybe give him a minute?”

The HoW exchanged glances, though JD was unsure about his feelings towards his father, the rest of the group pretty universally hated him. Veronica didn’t want to leave JD, but she understood why Bud wouldn’t want to be in here surrounded by the whole group.

She sighed, “I should probably eat something, you guys want to come with me?” She gave JD’s good hand one last lingering squeeze then walked out the room. The others came wither her. When Veronica looked back, she saw Bud walking into the room they had just vacated.

Veronica picked at the bagel Mac had placed in front of her. She knew she hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday morning, so she should have been hungry, but she wasn’t. Her mind was with the boy in the hospital room upstairs and her worry left no room for things like hunger.

Thankfully, her friends wouldn’t allow for that, “Veronica, we’re not letting you go back up there until you finish that,” Mac said, pointing at her plate. Veronica took a bite and forced herself to swallow. It tasted like glue.

Veronica looked at their table, noticing for the first time that someone was missing from their group, “Where’s Evan?”

Martha looked down at the fork in her hands, “His mom freaked out when he told her he was at the hospital, so he explained about us and Paul and everything and she made him go home to talk to her. I don’t think she wants him to hang out with us anymore.”

Heather scoffed, “Aren’t we his only friends?” Mac nodded, “She should be glad he’s got us then. Once JD is awake tell Evan to bring his mom here to meet us all, she’ll love us.”

_Once JD is awake._

It was pretty much all Veronica could think about. Would he be mad at her when he woke up? It was her fault he’d been shot.

_I love you, V. This isn’t your fault_.

Veronica blinked away the memory. Even knowing that he was going to pull through, thinking about him bleeding to death in her arms was too painful. She should have done something, should have found a way to get the gun from Paul before JD got hurt. She shouldn’t have been cowering

“Do you guys ever think that maybe we’re bad people?” Veronica asked abruptly.

Martha looked shocked, but Heather and Mac both looked away. Mac spoke first, “I know I’ve done bad things.”

Heather nodded, and Martha said, “That think at Ram’s party with the piñata wasn’t cool.”

“That wasn’t just me!” Mac insisted, “It was Heather Chandler’s idea and Veronica wrote the note.”

“Yeah, _I_ didn’t have anything to do with that.” Heather said smugly.

Veronica rolled her eyes, “But you did create fake texts that made it look like I was desperate to sleep with Ram then sent them to my _boyfriend_! And, you know, the entire school.” Her words came out a little harsher than she meant them to, but she didn’t regret saying them.

“You also told me to kill myself in an instagram comment,” Mac added.

They all fell silent. They had been friends for a year, and hadn’t ever really talked about the awful things they’d done to one another before.

“I’m sorry.” Heather said, “I’ve been trying to be better. Becca is helping with that. She doesn’t let me get away with being a bitch.”

“I’m sorry too,” Mac added, “I wish I’d been stronger back then. I knew that I was hurting people and I never did anything to stop because I was afraid, but that isn’t a good excuse.”

Veronica nodded, “I feel like the wrong people keep paying the price for bad things that I do. The victims just keep getting punished while the villains get away.”

“Veronica,” Heather said, “What happened with Paul wasn’t your fault. I don’t know why he blew himself up, but I know you couldn’t have stopped him. Some people can’t be saved.”

Veronica wiped a couple stray tears off of her face, “I know. He just… he said a lot of stuff—“

“Veronica, you can’t let that get to you. Paul wasn’t sane, you can’t try to get in his head and understand him. You’ll only drive yourself mad,” Veronica was a little surprised at the amount of wisdom coming from Heather this morning, but she was thankful for it.

Mac reached over and gave Veronica a hug, “You’ll be okay.” Veronica smiled and hugged her back.

Bud wasn’t in the room when they got back. Veronica wished she hadn’t stayed away for so long. She didn’t like that JD had been left alone, even though the doctor and nurses had probably come through to check on him a few times.

He was still breathing evenly and his heartbeat was steady. He looked exactly the same as last night, except this time when she took his hand; she felt the barest twitch of a response.

She knew it was a reflex. Just a random muscle twitch that he had no control over, but to her it was the first real sign that he was coming back to her. She kissed his palm and held it against her cheek. There was no movement this time, but she knew she hadn’t imagined the first one.

Heather picked up her book and resumed reading aloud. Martha had her sketchbook and was working on a drawing of Veronica and JD, though Veronica couldn’t tell exactly what it was from where she was sitting. Mac went to ask the nurse for an update. Veronica did nothing, just sat holding JD’s hand and listening to Heather read.

“Verrrnca.” The sound startled them all. They’d been sitting there for a couple hours and the only noise had been Heather reading, but she fell silent as soon as she heard.

Veronica squeezed his hand a little tighter, “I’m here, JD. I’m here.”

He moved his head just slightly towards her and his eyes flickered open. She reached over and pushed his hair out of his face. “Hi,” She choked out, barely holding in a sob of relief.

Oblivious to her turmoil, JD slurred, “Vrrca, I had the weirdest dream. We blew up the school, V. But then we all went to prom in heaven.” He looked her in the eye and said, deadly serious, “Ram went to prom with a cow, V. He went to prom with a cow.” Then he laid his head back down and fell asleep again.

Veronica tried to get her emotions under control, while the others just stared.

Finally Heather broke the tension in the room, “I would give anything to have a video of that.”

Veronica laughed and tried to pull herself together, “If he even suspected that you had a video like that saved somewhere, he would destroy your computer.”

“Should we tell someone he woke up?” Martha asked.

Veronica wasn’t sure that he’d really woken up, but she hit the call button anyway. When the nurse bustled in they told her what had happened.

“He’s on some very strong anesthetics, but we’re lowering the amounts slowly. He may wake up but he probably won’t be lucid until tomorrow.” The nurse paused, “Do you know where his father went? We have some things we’d like him to sign.”

Veronica looked at her friends, all of whom were looking away awkwardly, “We don’t know. He might have left,” She suggested. It wasn’t totally out of the question.

The nurse didn’t understand, “Do you know when he’ll be back? At some point we’ll need to release Jason and he’ll need to know the details of the care that he’ll need for the next couple weeks.”

“He goes by JD,” Veronica corrected out of habit, “And his dad won’t be the one taking care of him. Actually, I don’t know where he’ll go when he get’s released—“

“He’s going home, obviously,” Heather insisted, then she turned to the nurse, “He lives with me sometimes, Veronica and I will take care of him once he gets out of here.”

The nurse raised a skeptical eyebrow, “And who are you?”

“I’m his sister.” Heather said, daring the nurse to correct her.

She didn’t. The nurse turned and left the room, and Bud Dean stepped in, closing the door before she could ask him questions.

“What was that about?” He asked sharply. He looked at Heather with suspicion, “And who are you?”

Heather rolled her eyes as if she couldn’t believe someone didn’t remember her, “I’m Heather Duke. JD lived with me after you moved away.”

“That may be so, but he’s been hurt and he should be with his real family.” Bud glared down at them, and Veronica had to hide a shiver. Something about Bud’s eyes always made her nervous. They were just a little too empty.

Mac walked over to stand with Heather and Veronica, followed by Martha, and Heather said, “He is. We’re his family.”

Veronica had never seen a glare as cold as the one Bud was leveling at them now, but he was interrupted by the boy in the bed.

“Veronica…” She turned and immediately went to his side, taking his hand.

“I’m still here, what do you need?”

He groaned a little as he tried to move closer to her, “Don’t go, V. Don’t go. I need you to help me find the others. The Heathers and Martha should be here,” His words were slurred, but easily clear enough for Bud to hear them.

Veronica nodded at JD, “They’re here, just go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He was asleep before she finished the sentence.

“Well then,” Bud said awkwardly, “I guess he doesn’t need me.”

Veronica rolled her eyes, “He did need you. If you’d been there back then, he wouldn’t have needed us so much.”

Bud walked away and Veronica felt the tension leave with him. She had a feeling he wouldn’t be back.


	17. Waking Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy JDonica Day!! On this day in 1989 these two idiots met and things went downhill from there. Thank God there's fanfiction to fix it.  
> I'm a sucker, so this one is going to have an epilogue. I don't know when I'll post it but it'll be sometime soon. This chapter goes to Mads, because she left the actual nicest comment ever on the last chapter, and it also goes to KateTGP who was one of my first followers on Tumblr and who's consistent commenting gives me life and motivation. Enjoy!

He was surrounded by a very heavy, fuzzy, black blanket. It covered his head and face but it was so soft that he didn’t really mind.

At least, he didn’t mind until he heard Veronica’s voice on the other side of the blanket.

He tried to dig himself out, but found that he couldn’t move his arms. His whole body was heavy and the blanket was warm, he considered staying where he was, but if he did that he wouldn’t be able to see Veronica. He soon realized that the first step to getting out of the blanket would be to open his eyes.

He had to squint at first, the room was so bright, but as his eyes adjusted, he found that the blanket was receding. Finally, he could see Veronica clearly and most of the fog had left his brain.

She was wearing his coat. He smiled blearily at her, “It looks better on you.” He didn’t realize that those were the first lucid words he’d said to her in two days. He could have sworn he’d seen her only minutes ago, but then his dreams were always full of her.

Veronica smiled at him, “Hi, how are you feeling?”

He was becoming more aware of a dull ache in the right side of his body. He vaguely remembered being at the reception with Veronica, and that Paul had shown up and he’d been afraid. Something else had definitely happened, but it was lost in the fog and he decided not to go digging for it.

He gave Veronica a simple answer, “My side hurts, but I’m happy to see you.”

She reached over to brush his hair out of his face, “I can ask the nurse to give you something for the pain if you want…”

“No, I don’t want to go back to sleep. Not yet anyway.”

Veronica nodded and then leaned down to kiss his forehead, lingering for a moment, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Hey, I’m tough and edgy, remember? Guys like that are hard to hurt.” JD smiled, but he was wondering if there was had been a point when she thought he wasn’t going to be okay. She looked so tired, and he wondered what hell she’d been through while he was asleep.

He reached up with his good hand, ignoring the stab of pain in his side and brushed his fingers over her cheek. She leaned into him, so he took the opportunity to pull her into a kiss. Veronica kissed him back gently, but when she pulled away she was crying.

“V, what’s wrong?” He tried to move to hug her but pain shot through his arm, leaving him dizzy for a moment.

She sniffled, “How much do you remember? They said you might be confused at first.”

He could tell she was stalling, but he obliged her anyway, “Paul came to the reception. He had a gun and he was going to shoot you. Everything gets a little confusing after that.” He tried to concentrate and force the odd snapshots he had into chronological order.

“He didn’t shoot me. He shot you. Twice. The one on your ribs is just a graze, but the one in your arm was bad. You lost a lot of blood.” She stopped abruptly, and her tone changed completely, “But you’re fine. With a little physical therapy, in a few months you’ll be back to normal, just with a couple new scars.” The smile she wore was forced.

He tried to fight through the clouds in his mind to figure out what she was hiding from him, but he could still only barely grasp images from that night. He remembered standing at the window at Paul, but then everything was too hazy to understand. “Veronica, did I almost die?”

She faltered, looking away from him and chewing on her lip, “Yeah. It took them a while to get into the building, and you were bleeding a lot. It was pretty close.” Her voice broke at the end of the sentence, and he reached up to brush a tear off of her cheek.

He couldn’t even imagine what she must have gone through. He didn’t think he would have managed to stay sane if their positions had been reversed. “I’m okay now,” He said, not really sure if it was helpful. “I’m going to be okay.”

She nodded, but her face was still serious “JD I need you to promise me you’ll never try to do anything like that again.”

“Like what? Get shot? Okay I promise,” He attempted a joke, but she didn’t seem amused.

“I’m serious JD. I don’t ever want you to try to sacrifice yourself for me again. How the fuck would I have lived with myself if you’d died? I know you love me. But I am sick of you trying to protect me.” JD tried to interject but she cut him off and continued, “I stabbed a guy in the fucking foot. I fought him, and I would have shot him. I can take care of myself, you need to start trusting me.”

“Veronica, I do trust you. I trust you with my life—“

“JD you would trade your life for a slushie most days. I need you to trust me with something that’s more valuable to you than that. I need you to trust me with _my_ life.”

He nodded slowly, “Okay. I’ll try. But—for both of our sanities—try not to be in danger, that’ll really help me keep this promise.”

Veronica smiled, but there was no humor in it, “I don’t intend to be in any more danger.”

“Guys!” Mac’s voice called from outside the door, “They’re done fighting we can go in now!” And in stormed the HoW. JD was glad to see them, in contrast to Veronica’s stress and weariness, they all looked happy and energetic. Even Evan looked pretty cheerful, although he was hunched over weirdly.

“Guess what?” Heather asked, her eyes suspiciously bright. She didn’t wait for him to ask, “You have to change your name now!”

JD knitted his brows together and looked at Veronica, hoping she could clarify. She was too busy facepalming to be any help. “Why would I do that Heather?”

Heather beamed, “We’re the same blood type, so about a third of your blood used to be mine. That means we’re siblings and you should change your name.”

“He doesn’t _have_ to do anything, Heather.” Veronica said crossly, JD reached over and patted her hand. He didn’t really mind this joke; it actually kind of made him happy that Heather wanted him to be a part of her family.

“Thanks for all the blood, Heather. It’s pretty nice to still be alive.”

“We’re glad to still have you around. And anyway,” Heather smiled mischievously, “We all know you won’t actually change your name until you get married.”

The others laughed while Veronica groaned and buried her head in her hands, JD could see her blushing between her fingers. “I don’t know what you mean.” He said, hoping they would let it drop for Veronica’s sake.

They didn’t.

“What it means, “ Mac chimed in, “Is Jason Duke is a stupid name, but JD Sawyer is an awesome name.” JD laughed and patted Veronica’s back. She had leaned down to hide her face in his pillows.

“But not for a few years, at least,” Heather insisted, “It’s tacky to get married so soon after high school.”

“Aww,” Martha said, “But weddings!”

Veronica turned on Martha, “Seriously? You’re joining this insanity too?”

Martha laughed, “What can I say? I love a happy ending.”

JD looked over at Evan and saw that he was still hunched over, “Evan, are you alright?”

Evan looked up, startled, “Uh, yeah. I brought you something.” He pulled his hands out of the pouch in his hoodie, and JD saw that he was holding a hamster ball. It took him several seconds to realize that Slushie was in the ball.

“Evan… Did you sneak a hamster into a hospital?”

Evan nodded, looking sheepish. JD broke out into a loud laugh that ended in a groan as he felt the stiches on his side pull a little too tight. Brushing off Veronica’s immediate concern, he reached for his pet.

He let himself be normal with them for a little while, until the nurse came in and shooed them out. He was a little relieved, his meds were wearing off and he was in a lot of pain, although he tried to hide it for Veronica’s sake.

Once he’d been medicated, he drifted off almost immediately.

JD had nightmares while he slept. He was running through the halls of Westerburg High because he had to get to the window. There was a timer that was going to go off and someone would die. When he got to the window and looked out, he couldn’t tell who was holding the bomb. At first he thought it was his mother, then Veronica, then it was Paul. He was pounding on the window, begging them to get away from the bomb but they never turned to face him. The timer was running out, he had to save them—

He woke up.

Veronica was brushing his hair off of his forehead and stroking his face gently, whispering to him that he was safe and it was just a dream.

“What happened to Paul?” That was the part of the night that confused him most. He had seen Paul through the window but he couldn’t remember what had happened after that.

Veronica paled. He could see her eyes filling with tears, and he reached over to brush them out away. She caught his hand and held it to her cheek, “The bomb went off. I pulled you away so you wouldn’t have to see…”

“You protected me.” She nodded. “Did you see?”

She looked away, unable to meet his eyes, “Yeah. He said, ‘the slate is clean’ and then he was just… gone.”

JD sat up, and—ignoring the flare of pain in his arm and side—wrapped his arms around Veronica. She leaned into him and they comforted each other.

“I wish… I wish there was something I could have done. I wish I understood why he did it.” Veronica said softly once they had let go.

JD sighed, “I don’t think we’ll ever know. But we do know that we couldn’t have done anything to fix him, V.” It felt lame as he was saying it. Words just weren’t enough.

He pulled her down for a kiss, but moved back when he felt one of her tears fall on his face, “Shh, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” He hated seeing her cry, especially right now when he couldn’t do much to comfort her.

She gave him a watery smile, “You know, one of these days you’ll have to get used to me crying. I do that sometimes.”

“I’m always going to want to make you feel better.” He replied seriously, but he understood what she meant. The world would be hard to them, as it was to everybody, but they had learned to face anything if they were together.

He smirked at her, “Our love is God?”

Veronica shook her head; “I don’t think I can ever say that again after the other night.”

“Fair. It made one hell of a goodbye though.”

She snorted; wiping the last of her tears away, “I’m just glad it didn’t have to be goodbye. I’m not quite ready to shuffle off this mortal coil.”

JD laughed and kissed her hand, “Me too. Still, we need something cool and edgy to say instead of ‘I love you’ because while that’s definitely true, it’s too normal for us.”

“I love you too,” She said. “You’re mine.”

He laughed, “That’s also true, but it’s more than that. It’s not like we were meant to be, a thousand things had to happen in exactly the right way for us to come together, a million different choices brought us to where we are right now.”

“You’re the one I choose.” Veronica whispered, pressing a kiss into his forehead.

JD pulled her down just a little to capture her lips, “You’re the one I choose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep an eye out for my next fic, Saving Souls, which should be out sometime today or tonight!


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the last chapter. Writing this story was such an emotional rollercoaster, thank you all for riding it with me. I'm writing a lot more notes at the end of this so brace yourself for them. Enjoy!

“Heather!” JD shouted down the hall to his sorta-sister’s room, “It’s time to go, hurry up!”

Heather poked her head out her bedroom door, “Fine, fine, I’m on my way.” She took a moment to look at his clothing critically, and JD stood still until the scrutiny was over. Heather sighed, “You’ll do.”

JD thought he actually looked pretty good, especially by his usual standards. He was wearing a blazer over his t-shirt instead of his usual coat, and his jeans were dark blue instead of black. Heather was a harsh critic though, so he chose to take it as a compliment. “Thanks, Heather. It’s just dinner anyway, Mac said it wasn’t formal.”

Heather rolled her eyes, “It’s not just dinner, it’s Thanksgiving, you’re supposed to dress nice for holidays.”

“I wouldn’t know,” JD replied with a shrug. Until last year, he’d never really done Thanksgiving. As with most aspects of his life, that had changed when he’d moved in with the Dukes.

“Kids, let’s go!” Mr. Duke shouted from downstairs, and the pair stopped their bickering and filed out to the car.

They parked in Mac’s driveway, which already held Martha’s car. Behind them, a slightly beat up sedan—undoubtedly carrying Evan and his mom— waited to pull in.

JD walked over to Evan’s car as soon as it was parked, “Hi, you must be Mrs. Hansen, I’m JD.”

“Call me Heidi.” She wasn’t paying any attention to him though; she was staring in awe at the McNamara’s enormous house. She turned to her son, “Evan, I don’t really think these are… our type of people.”

Evan looked hurt, “Mom, they’re my friends.”

This, at least, JD could help with, “For what it’s worth, I’ve lived in every housing situation you can imagine, including some spectacularly awful motel rooms. The McNamara’s are good people though, and everyone is dying to meet you. Evan is the only person in the group that wasn’t in high school with us, so you’re both kind of a big deal.” He smiled and Heidi reciprocated hesitantly. Evan sent him a grateful look.

Heather bounced up with a wide smile, “Nice to meet you, I’m Heather! We’re so glad you came. Mac probably made enough food to feed an army, and assuming JD doesn’t ruin it again,” She glared at him pointedly, “It’s going to be an awesome meal.”

JD took offense, “I wasn’t the one who went crazy with the fire extinguisher _Heather.”_ The incident in question had originated with him, but the resulting destruction of the food was mostly Heather’s fault.

Evan laughed, “Dare I ask what happened last year?”

JD and Heather exchanged glances, “You don’t need to know.” They answered almost in unison.

“We just ended up ordering a lot of pizza instead of having the traditional meal, that’s all.” Heather smiled and linked arms with Evan, leading the way up to Mac’s front door.

 

The Dukes split off and went to the living room, with Heidi following reluctantly behind. Heather, Evan, and JD went straight to the kitchen, where Mac and Martha were waiting for them.

It smelled _amazing_ and there was food everywhere. Half finished dishes sat on counters next to covered platters clearly piled high with something. JD’s mind immediately turned to how he was going to sneak some before the meal officially started.

“If you touch anything, Jason Dean, you’ll lose a hand!” Mac called from the other side of the kitchen, gesturing with a large knife she’d been using to cut vegetables. He scowled and crossed his arms, sitting down on one of the stools to watch her work.

Veronica showed up a couple minutes later, and JD’s mouth went dry when he saw her. _Holy shit. Holy shit._ She was wearing a familiar outfit, nearly identical to the one she’d worn the first time he’d seen her over a year ago. The cobalt blue blazer over an old concert t-shirt, knee socks and black shoes. But his attention was drawn to the shockingly short skirt. It took him a little bit too long to recover the ability to think.

She smirked, noticing his reaction. “Damn, Veronica, you look hot,” Heather said conversationally eyeing her legs.

“Don’t flirt with my girlfriend,” JD muttered, standing up so he could greet her properly. The others groaned when they kissed, but JD ignored them.

Heather smiled and tilted her head, “What’s wrong, little brother, afraid of the competition?”

“Heather, you’re my sister, I think it’s against the rules to flirt with your sibling’s girlfriends. And also yes. I’m not an idiot, I know Veronica could do better than me.”

Veronica started to protest, which warmed his heart, but the others all rushed to agree with him, which did not. “Martha!” He called to the nicest of his friends for rescue, “They’re being mean to me, distract them.”

Martha giggled, “Okay, hmm. Oooh, I’m thinking about getting a tattoo!”

JD seized the conversation topic, “What do you want and where?” He was also genuinely curious. Martha was an artist, whatever she’d come up with was probably really cool.

She blushed a little, now that all the attention was on her, but she was still smiling, “I’m not sure what I want. I keep playing with different designs that incorporate our colors or something. I know I want to get it on my ribs though.”

“Oh, sweet, we’ll be matching,” JD said with a smile.

Suddenly, all eyes were on him. “You have a tattoo?” Mac asked.

“How have I lived with you for a year and not known about this?” Heather added.

JD shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Well, now you have to show them,” Veronica said, taking a sip from her drink.

Rolling his eyes, JD lifted up his shirt so they could see the song lyrics printed as though by a typewriter on his side, now neatly underlined by the scar from the bullet graze.

“ _You thought God was an architect, now you know/ He’s something like a pipe bomb ready to blow.”_ Mac read aloud. “Edgy.”

He pulled his shirt down, feeling self-conscious. “I was sixteen,” He muttered.

“Oh, well in that case, it’s great. Knowing how you were before you met us, it could have been something super emo and scary.” Heather said, providing a very weak defense.

Veronica slipped her arm around his waist, “I still think it’s hot,” She whispered, making him smile. Veronica’s opinion was the important one anyway. She saw him shirtless a lot more than the others.

They continued to talk musingly about tattoos for a while; Veronica surprised him by wanting to get a few, which he fully supported. He kissed the inside of her wrist, where she wanted to get a sunrise in white ink. “I’ll go with you when you get it,” He said with a smile.

 

When dinner was finally served, they crowded around Mac’s dining room table with the adults. Everyone was exclaiming over how much effort Mac had put in and she beamed, thrilled with the attention.

The compliments continued to come, thick and fast, once they started eating. Mac had really outdone herself this time, and no one was going to let her effort go unappreciated.

Of course, eventually the conversation turned to other topics, with the adults directing many questions at Evan and Mrs. Hansen, because they were new and not from Sherwood. Though they hadn’t been close until their children became friends, all of the other HoW parents had known each other for years.

“So, JD, why couldn’t your parents make it?” Heidi asked innocently.

The table went quiet, and JD watched the woman’s face fall when she realized she’d said something wrong. Poor Evan looked like he wanted to the floor to swallow him alive.

JD tried to keep his voice neutral when he replied, “My mom died when I was a kid and my dad and I aren’t close. I live with the Dukes.” He knew Heidi hadn’t meant to ask something uncomfortable and he wasn’t mad about it, but he was still embarrassed about his situation. He would have liked to have had a normal answer.

Heidi looked like she wanted to apologize, but Veronica rescued the whole situation with an abrupt conversation change, “I actually have an announcement I’ve been wanting to make, if you guys don’t mind.”

Everyone turned to look at her with faces full of relief; “Yesterday I received my acceptance for a transfer to Ohio State. Next semester, I’ll be in school with you!”

JD jumped up and pulled Veronica out of her chair so he could hug her. No more long distance, they would be close enough to see each other every day if they wanted. He knew she applied, but he didn’t know she’d heard about acceptance yet. He was thrilled.

So was everyone else, JD knew Veronica’s parents had wanted her to switch to Remington so she could live at home, but they had compromised on OSU. Though they had made him and Mac promise to keep a close eye on her, in case she started to break down again. JD had refrained from telling them that Veronica hadn’t had a real breakdown because she’d actually been right about Paul.

Mac smiled, “Well, I was going to wait until later, but since Veronica made her announcement, I should make mine,” She paused for dramatic effect, “I found it!”

“Found what?” JD asked, although he had his suspicions.

Mac face glowed with excitement, “I found the perfect apartment for us. It’s gorgeous, and close to campus, and guess what the best part is?”

“A good kitchen?” JD suggested.

“Pet friendly?” Added Veronica, but Mac shook her head at both ideas.

She took a deep breath as though she were announcing the winner of a contest, “It has four bedrooms, so there’s one for all of us!”

Martha frowned, “I already said I couldn’t live with you guys, I want to be closer to my campus.”

Mac rolled her eyes, “I know, the fourth room isn’t for you, it’s for Evan.” She looked at him, biting her lip, “I mean, if you want it.” She held out a handful of printed pictures for him to look at.

Heidi looked over his shoulder and her frown deepened, “Sweetie, we can’t afford this,” She whispered the words but JD was pretty sure most of the room heard her.

“And the rent is really reasonable, since we’ll be splitting it four ways.” Mac added cheerfully, if slightly tactlessly. JD knew that the rent was reasonable because Mac’s parents would be paying most—if not all—of it. They didn’t like having Mac living in a dorm.

“Please, Mom?” Evan said, “They’re my friends, I want to live with them.”

Heidi sighed a little, but them smiled, “Alright fine, but be sure to keep your grades up.”

The HoW cheered for a full five minutes before their parents could get them to calm down and keep eating.

 

Hours later, after the pies had been eaten and the last plates cleared, the HoW gathered in Mac’s basement with a stolen case of beer.

“So what are you going to do with the extra bedroom?” Heather asked, now that the parents weren’t around, “Because we all know that JD and Veronica are going to share.” The couple blushed but they were smiling; they had already planned on moving in together, despite her parents’ disapproval.

Veronica answered, “I think it’ll be a guestroom for when you and Martha stay over. It has to at least _look_ like I’m sleeping in there.”

“Damn,” Mac said, “I was hoping we could have, like, a craft room or something.”

“Mac, you don’t do crafts.” Veronica pointed out.

Mac rolled her eyes, “Well, I might if I had a craft room.” They all laughed at their disgruntled friend.

While they continued making plans, JD pulled Veronica closer to him and imagined what things would be like when they were all living together.

JD would pretend to complain about the girls leaving too much stuff in the bathroom, and they would complain about him moving their stuff when he cleaned up. Mac would get mad at him for finishing food and then not let him go to the store because he only bought junk food. One day, Veronica would bring home a kitten and they would adopt it and give it a stupid name, carefully hiding it from their landlord. He would fall asleep and wake up next to Veronica every day. They would live there for the next three years, until they all graduated.

It would be the longest he’d ever stayed in one place.

For the first time in his life, JD knew he wouldn’t be moving, and he knew that he would be with the people he loved and who loved him. At the end of the day, that was worth two explosions, two bullet wounds, eleven high schools, and being accused of murder.

Smiling, he leaned down and whispered into Veronica’s ear, “It’s going to be beautiful.”

And it was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from JD's tattoo are from "24 Frames" by Jason Isbell, they just really sound like something JD would like to me, but if you have song lyrics you like, feel free to substitute those in and tell me what they are in the comments! Veronica's tattoo idea is the one I actually have, so it means a lot to me. This is probably not the last thing I'll write in this universe, so if you have something you'd like to see me write with these characters, let me know! I love you all so much and your support means the world to me. Thank you.


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